Speaking of a sore shoulder: what’s in my MOM BAG

 I had fun showing you the contents of my work bag the other day, so I thought I could have even more fun showing you the contents of my mom bag!

I have a range of bag options for momming, and they vary in size from a tiny Lulu crossbody to a slightly bigger Lulu crossbody; to a few mid-level designer options that are pretty roomy; to a couple more high end bags, one big one little; to an Esprit tote bag that I love for its nostalgia. Did anyone else HAVE TO HAVE this bag in middle school?

Anyway, the one I will show you is the big kahuna— my giant former diaper bag that is still my go-to kid-stuff hauler even though our diaper days are mercifully behind us. As I told you in my previous post, it is in SORRY SHAPE, even though it has BEEN REPAIRED.

But, I mean, it’s a Louis Vuitton purse— how bad can it look, really? **shrug**

Here is all the stuff I decided to cram inside it to take Minnie to an ENT appointment* and then, later, to the dance studio where Dorothy had a single 45-minute class, so dropping off and picking up was awkward.

Let’s take a closer look at this actual garbage, yes?

Here we have a coloring book and a baggie of haphazardly chosen crayons, which is pretty self-explanatory and always good in a pinch. More notable, perhaps, is the truly random assortment of small dolls, plus a bracelet and a blue jewel that’s actually a pool toy. I just grabbed a handful of stuff from the bin of TOTALLY RANDOM toys we keep in the laundry room because— and this is a pro tip— when you are planning a screen-free distraction for your kid, the more random the stuff, the happier your kid will be with it. Seriously, the last time I asked Minnie to grab some toys to bring along, she found an old silk scrunchie of mine, a Fisher Price donkey from the Little People manger scene, and a wooden lamp from her dollhouse. These are the things she keeps in her cup holder in my car to play with on the go, and they keep her busy EVERY TIME. Preschoolers are WILD.

I also grabbed two sad Barbie-sized dolls who have had a rough go of it, Spot It cards (a big hit with the 5-8 year-olds at dance with whom Minnie loves to play), bubbles in case she wanted to play outside at dance, a tiny notebook and some tiny markers to go with it (because sometimes she is too cool for a coloring book and crayons), and my keys (duh) which are also my wallet.

I always have these in my purse— why not whiten during a kiddie commute?

Never enough wipes, you know?

Also never enough hair ties— I always have one for me, one for Dorothy, and one for Minnie. And! This bag is where my extra tweezers live because WHY NOT pluck my eye browns in excellent light while parked and waiting for kids? Also, I have very neutral lipsticks for always and might add a specific color as needed (I also have a pink long-wear lip crayon in my car that does the trick). Here you can see a random Clinique tube, Clinique Black Honey Almost Lipstick, and my favorite Glossier balm.

Snacks for all moods

ALWAYS hand lotion and sanitizer.

Book, readers, sunnies, and Minnie’s water. WHAT ELSE COULD I POSSIBLY NEED? (My giant water bottle du jour also stays in my car, but Minnie needs hers from place-to place).

All packed up!

At the last second, Minnie grabbed this cool LCD writing tablet my brother got her for Hanukkah, and I am glad she did because it was CLUTCH at the doctor and later at dance

*Speaking of the ENT! Okay, so, we made the appointment in APRIL when Minnie got ANOTHER ear infection. She had either an ear infection or a sore throat (OR BOTH) at least once a month from October 2023-April 2024. But! She did not have quite enough ear infections to get an immediate appointment. I knew when I saw the appointment on my calendar this week that it would be a waste of time to take her because SHE IS FINE RIGHT NOW THANK GOODNESS. Buuuuuuut, I also think if she starts to get sick a ton this fall/winter, we will get a faster follow-up appointment than we did an intake appointment, so we went. She had a really cute hearing test with two lovely audiologists (they played games while she listened to bird sounds on her headphones, and one of the games asked her to add toppings to a pizza when she heard the sounds, and they asked her what kind of pizza is her favorite, and she said FROZEN—ha!) and passed it with flying colors. The ENT said her tonsils are huge but do not seem to be causing a sleep disorder so they don’t need to come out, and everything else is fine. Cross your fingers that it stays that way.

Money Monday: Spending Priorities and Budget Wishlists

 I ask myself WHY THE HECK AM I EVEN TRACKING MY SPENDING THIS IS TERRIBLE EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE LET'S BURN IT ALL DOWN AND ALSO BUY SOME SHOES. And then! I answer myself with a huge I DON'T EVEN KNOW; STOP YELLING AT ME.

But really? This whole thing* has been eye opening in terms of making our spending priorities visible.

*By thing I mean the totally novel concept of knowing how much money you make and how much money you spend. WEIRD, huh?

Here is how I am reading the spending tea leaves after about 4 weeks of paying attention:

 We prioritize convenience, meaning we are happy to pay more for stuff if it is easier. Yes, I will pay $8 for a package of pre-cubed squash EVERY TIME and $28 a week for pre-blended smoothies if that means my kid will get a snack before a practice (that sentence is awkwardly constructed, but there is, like, no way anyone is eating squash cubes for snack).

We prioritize driving new cars-- this is something that could have been obvious by looking at our, um, driveway, I guess. But seeing numbers on paper makes me realize that we like cars, so we should act like it-- you know? Which is why I told Ben I wanted a car vacuum and had this eye-rolling exchange with him:

We prioritize kid activities. We spend a good chunk on kid stuff-- preschool, dive, baseball, dance, equipment, high school fees, travel- all of those things. I think we already knew that stuff was a priority because we also spend time in that category. Still, on paper, it is a large expense, and we need to remember that when we talk about these things. Like, they are valuable to us, so we need to make sure we talk about them/think about them/frame them in that way.

I personally prioritize self care: acupuncture, massage, pedicures, face masks, teeth whitening, SO MANY skincare products, and! This is something I didn't really notice before, but my hair products are all very expensive. I don't use that much of any one thing or more than one or two things at a time, but at $40 a pop, it is really annoying when my cream, oil, thickening spray, heat protectant, volumizer, dry volume spray, mousse, and hair spray run out at the same time. (I am pretty loyal to Aveda and Perfect Hair Day products). Before I started tracking every dollar, I considered myself low budget because I generally don't buy a ton of new clothes, and when I do, Target, Old Navy, and LOFT sale racks are my go-tos. LOL LOL LOL.

We prioritize brands that we like over cost. Food, cars, grooming products, clothes and shoes-- we like what we like, and things cost what they cost.

I know I have only been tracking for a few weeks, but based on the data in front of me, I have a few budget wishlist items:

1. I want to better account for how much money is coming in. Both of us do some adjuncting work and other contractual things, and we are terrible at planning what to do with that money/noticing how it ebbs and flows. 

2. I want to plan some travel that is not diving or dance related (even though we have several flying trips for those on the horizon).

3. I want to gamify our budget because if saving is fun in the short term, it will be so much easier. A million years ago, we did Dave Ramsey’s cash envelopes and saved SO MUCH MONEY. Clearly cash is not king anymore, so we need to do the system digitally, but, for me, having concrete categories and a bunch of separate pots of money helps me spend less and see my savings accumulate in a really satisfying way.

APROPOS of NOTHING! (Well, I mean, this was a free activity, so maybe it’s a little on theme.)

We took Minnie to the campus art museum over the weekend, and the Petah Coyne exhibit! Almost made me cry! It’s beautiful, and I can’t wait to go back by myself and just soak in all in— when I probably will cry because I won’t feel self conscious or the need to explain myself to a preschooler.

When I was in college forensics, I did a dramatic interpretation from Zelda, a play about Zelda Fitzgerald by William Luce. (I won state and got sixth place in the nation, not that anyone would keep track of weird stuff like that from college **cough cough** hall of famer ** cough cough**). The BEST LINE in the whole play is the one quoted on the second picture. It made me cry every time. (In the play she says Nobody, not the poets, not even Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald himself, can measure how much a heart can hold.)

It was especially arresting for me, 24 years out from that performance, walking through the quiet gallery with my youngest child. How did I get here from where I was when I first encountered that quotation? (I actually saw the play in high school when a senior on my speech team performed it when I was a freshman. By the time I was a senior in college 8 years later, I figured no one would remember when the play was popular in forensics, so I decided to perform it because I remembered that script from the time I was 14 years-old). 

But seriously!  I was just young and balanced on the precipice of a universe of possibility, and now I’m almost fifty and settled into a life I couldn’t have imagined in granular detail with a daughter (my fifth kid! College me would lose her shit) who looks like a human Care Bear, and it is all too beautiful and sad and hopeful and nostalgic— exactly like the exhibit. THE TEXTURES in there! I loved it so much.

Minnie shared her thoughts over ice cream at the student union. They were delectable.

To close, here is a new Money Monday feature:

What I spent this week— the best and the worst:

The best money I spent this week was $9 on Tree Hut Watermelon body butter at Target. TREE HUT! It’s a new obsession!

The WORST money I spent this week was $30 on a campus parking ticket. ** whomp whomp** I told Coop to text me when he found his team at the campus gym when I dropped him off at diving (because there was talk on What’s App that they were meeting outside, and Coop gets there late because his school dismisses so late, so I wanted to make sure he found his people.) WELL. He forgot to text and did not answer my super chill 13 phone calls, so I had to park in short-term metered parking at a dorm down the street and drag both girls through traffic to the gym and all the way upstairs to find him. AND IN THOSE FRUSTRATING FIVE MINUTES, I got a ticket because I didn't pay the meter the literal dime this errand should have cost. GAH. Also! I pay almost $100 a month to park in my garage just a block away, BUT THAT SEEMED LIKE TOO MUCH OF A HASSLE. Sometimes, I am very dumb.

Hey! Also! I got to talk to the incredible Sarah for her podcast Best Laid Plans, and you should listen :) Thanks for having me-- it was a blast!
 

5 on a Friday: Preschoolers Are Bananas (41/52)

 1. First of all, preschoolers are impossible to decipher when it comes to stocking snacks. Do they like bananas? Are bananas offensive? DEPENDS ON THE DAY, but you BETTER HAVE BANANAS JUST IN CASE. (And, as parents of preschoolers can attest, "banana" could be ANY FOOD. Their snack loves run hot. And then very, very cold.)

Raw cookie dough is always a good snack because preschoolers are risk takers.

Donuts generally work well, too.

2. Second, preschoolers can be AWESOME or TERRIBLE, sometimes in the course of the VERY SAME ERRAND, and there is no controlling for either state. IT IS NOT YOU. IT IS THEM. Please never judge parents suitcasing a screaming child out of a crowded Sunday afternoon Kroger. Believe me, they didn't see the eruption coming until they were covered in emotional lava. One minute, their kid was happily trotting alongside the cart chattering away about favorite colors and the next moment that same kid had death dropped to the filthy tile because they glimpsed the store-lobby Starbucks down the aisle and were denied a cake pop. IT HAPPENED IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. Similarly, don't think the parent of the chubby little angel happily holding onto their hand and counting to one hundred has it all figured out. That preschooler is just biding their time waiting to turn into a pint-sized Medusa the moment their parents let their guard down.  NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.

She got tired of me trying to get a cute IG pic of her at the donut store and took my picture instead

3. Just when you think you have met all of your preschooler's needs and can maybe do something for yourself like fold a load of laundry, THINK AGAIN because that is the precise second your preschooler will need all of your attention to perform a task for them that they are MORE THAN CAPABLE of performing themselves.

4. Fourth, preschoolers are SO GOOD at delivering the MOST SAVAGE take down. Like when they suggest they will be Moana for Halloween and you can be Moana's grandma. Sometimes, though, they say something unbelievably snarky to your spouse, and that's pretty great. For example, maybe their dad forgot to bring a snack to preschool pick up. If their MOM did this, the preschooler would lose their shit. But their dad did it, and they were totally fine. When you ask why, they tell you sweetly, "It's ok. I had low expectations." SAVAGE. 

5. Despite being the most maddening creatures maybe ever to have existed, preschoolers are also the sweetest little animals in the world. They smell great! They're still pudgy like babies! They say weird big people things! Sometimes they have garlic breath! They are irresistable! (Until they are again suddenly terrible which is when you realize resistance is futile).

I am still LOVING Elisabeth’s Cool Blogger Walking Club, btw. Such a good reminder to GO OUTSIDE EVERY DAY.

WE COULD HAVE MISSED THIS: Working for the Weekend

 For the first time since before Dorothy was born, we do not have sportsball-filled weekends.

Cooper is not playing hockey this year (a hard decision for a lot of reasons), and he did not join the rest of his tournament baseball team when they opted to join a team with professional coaches and lots of off-season training. Instead, he joined a dad-coached tournament team with Little League friends, and he doesn’t have any baseball commitments until January. 

Dorothy has occasional dance commitments on Sundays, and Dorothy, Jack, and Cooper all dive at UW on Sundays. But. THAT IS IT.

Sure, there are dance comps and dive meets occasionally, but both of these activities have heavy weeknight commitment and not a ton of weekends.

WE ARE FREE.

It’s been a delight. I cannot describe it more eloquently than that. We are delighting in all of our free time.

Ben and I took Minnie to the campus art museum during dive last weekend and just marveled at how relaxed we were. I have time to make 2 or 3 meals on Sundays. We can clean the house. See movies. Take walks. Pick apples. Bake cookies. Eat cookies. WATCH TV. 

PEOPLE CAN LIVE LIKE THIS?  How wonderful.

Why Does my Shoulder Hurt, OR What's in my Bag?

 I spent all weekend putting a heating pad on my shoulder and chewing ibuprofen by the handful, which is HILARIOUS to me because the last thing I did on Friday before I left my office was take pics of my giant work bag and everything in it to write another one of those posts that Engie says are full of detail but say nothing (SAVAGE).

ANYWAY, here's the tl;dr in all its l, r-ing glory.

First of all, this purse is just a giant, unstructured tote bag, so it gets SUPER MESSY unless I use an organizer. I have the same bag only older and in checkers with red lining that has been my diaper bag since Cooper was born. I do NOT use an organizer for that one, and it’s just a big hot drippy mess (srsly— water bottles spill in there; it’s full of discarded wet wipes that are still damp; the lip gloss I dredge up from the bottom has tiny bits of Goldfish and hair on it. I have actually SENT IT BACK TO THE COMPANY for a new bottom, but it is AGAIN ripping on the bottom corners (after 13 years of rough use). But this! This is my dedicated work purse, so I am a little more careful with it. (Fun fact: these bags are plastic-coated canvas, not leather).

But! I am not SUPER CAREFUL as you can tell from stains, ink, spills, and crumbs (sometimes I actually vacuum it out, but on this occasion, I just banged it over the trash can a few times). (And! I think that’s really just fine. Bags are USEFUL, and I have USED THE HECK out of this one and its predecessor).

First of all, I keep a bunch of stuff in the zipper pocket of this bag (that is lined, so it would be a pretty ok spot for pens or anything else you want to keep contained/is prone to leaking).

I have like $3 in case I want a pack of gum, tampons in case my period comes back (IT HAS BEEN 115 DAYS— I am not crossing my fingers), hand lotion, chap stick, mascara, a hair tie, blush, neutral eye shadow, and a brush to either apply eye shadow or smooth out what I am already wearing because it settles into my wrinkles pretty aggressively. I also have a tube of cheapy eye cream in there because sometimes, I just look haggy and parched, you know? 

Next, I always have my computer, my iPad, and a bunch of power cords that I carry in one of those In Case zipper pouches. It is bigger than my current computer (from an ancient Mack Book Pro) and works for both devices and all the cords

To stop exploding pens from causing further ruin and to attempt to be able to find my my stuff, I bought one of THESE organizers after an IG stylist I follow recommended them.

This organizer is a LIFESAVER, and I wish I had one for my diaper bag all those years ago (TOO LATE NOW).

Here’s the tremendous amount of stuff it holds:

Pens and washi tape for my planner

Reading glasses (I have 2 pairs of identical readers, and these live in my work bag) and sunglasses. I HAVE A TYPE, OKAY?

My Kindle (fits right in a pocket!!)

Mostly pink lipsticks, a couple of hair ties and a tiny claw clip

MOAR hand lotion and a giant hand sani 

A kid hair tie, a clear hair tie, taco bandaids, and a single Bobby pin (LOL)

But seriously! My organizer makes that stuff look legit

Unlike my 2011 diaper bag version, the 2022 Neverfull comes with a cute little wristlet that you can attach to the inside of the bag OR wear around your wrist in a loop. That’s where I keep my keys, AirPods, phone, a hair tie, and another freaking lip balm (this one is by Tarte and has a hint of color- LOVE IT)- anything I would like to pull out of the bag and take with me on a walk or a trip down the hall.

Plus— LOL— a real folder of old timey paper

AND! An actual NOTE BOOK!

BUT SERIOUSLY, my shoulder hurts just looking at all the STUFF.

And! I didn’t even count my water bottle!

What about you— what’s in your work bag? (I might do this again about my mom bag)