Jack has worn 3 outfits already-- pooped through one and peed through one and god knows what he's doing to number 3 right now. When Ben met us at the organic yippie kid cafe for lunch, he laughed at Harry's stripes and plaid get-up, saying "Ha! It looks like I dressed him."
I had a hard time getting us all out the door by 10:30 this morning, and I was acting all sad and put-upon about how rough it was to get out of the house "early" for the cleaning lady until I realized, what the hell, princess-- why would you even complain about that? But I couldn't stop complaining and feeling sad even though I knew I should. Also, when I got home from the gym at 6:15 this morning (because I DO NOT SLEEP ANYMORE), I decided I just HAD to take the exhaust fan cover off the bathroom fan and scrub it. Had to, I swear.
I have some depression and anxiety issues; I am sure of it. Either that or the 5 months of fractured sleep are finally starting to catch up with me.
Either way, I am seeing someone next week. Also, I am seeking to rid my world of stress by outsourcing as much work as I can (hello, organic baby food delivery) and scheduling as many things as possible in advance (standing every-6-week hair appointment, how ya doing?). So we'll see how that goes.
The big gulp iced coffee I got at Einstein's this afternoon has done nothing for my jitters, tell you what. (Seriously, like 64 ounces, which I didn't know when I asked for a really big one, and by the time the guy handed me the soda-fountain cup, I had already paid, and I don't think you can return coffee...)
(And yeah, I cold just not drink the whole thing, but that's not how I roll.)
Luckily, I have a wonderful family, as you can see by these pictures of my parents with us at Little Gym. We had so much fun with the fam-- more pictures all week, so get exfreakingcited.
Thank goodness there are people you can hire and also people to talk to ..lack of sleep is awful..the kids are cuter all the time..Bomma
ReplyDeleteSweetie! My bathroom fan is DISGUSTING under the cover! I saw when I changed the light bulb but my fear of the scary old-looking wires has kept me from cleaning it! I’m glad you’re seeing somebody. I started going when Mol was little and my mantra became “I want to know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.” I was staggered by the relentless responsibility, how easy parenthood is to do badly and kept hearing the snake in Jungle Book whispering “your fate is sssssealed.” I also wanted to set an example so Mol would know its no big deal and in fact kinda like the dermo. May not need them all the time but when you do, that’s what they’re there for. And now – get this – my company has a therapist in the lobby who is free for 8 visits per crisis! (No, its not Lucy van Pelt). Best bene ever. Thinking of you and love you! Boo
ReplyDeleteThe pictures are wonderful! What a beautiful family. I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but good for you for working to change it. I am sure the sleep thing has a lot to do with it! Good luck.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever want to vent to a near stranger-type, you have my email!
Glad you found someone to talk to. The college I work for also has the free counseling as part of the employee assistance program - so you might want to see if you can get reimbursed.
ReplyDeletePraying things will get better!
Hope you are doing well! I can imagine having 2 kids ages 2 and under is super stressful. I take 10mg of lexapro and highly recommend it for mild depression and anxiety issues. I was totally against it but it has worked wonders for me! I am so much more relaxed, sleep great, and am in a much better mood. Just my .02!
ReplyDeleteUgh! I feel your pain & I don't have kids (which makes me REALLY freak out about the prospect of having them). Today was such an awful day at work, I've been on the verge of crying all day (and I did cry once). And that's WITH a therapist and drugs (the legal kind). I just know I'm freak out in court someday. Classy.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, back to you. I hope you get the help you need. It's no fun being stressed & depressed all of the time. Don't worry though - it is totally normal...I think. :)
On the bright side, your kids are PRECIOUS. I love the pics of Jack with your Dad. They make my heart melt.
~Stumpf