NaBloPoMo May: Limping Across the Finish Line

OMG you guys. I have been so hungry today. I could tell you everything I have eaten, but you would not believe me. (A whole cantaloupe, people, and that's the tip of the iceberg).

Hear the news about cell phones and cancer? I freaking TOLD YOU SO. Now please stop mocking me for using speaker phone all the damn time.

This is the last day of my almost-successful-and-would-have-been-totally-successful-excet-that-Blogger-crapped-out month of May blogging, and all I can do is talk about how hungry I am between preparing and eating batches of butter and jelly slathered toast.Sorry about that. Also, I could use a bigger toaster.

Sorry the content has not been riveting. I guess there's a reason I don't blog everyday.

Oh! Jack says "burry" when something is cold, and it's the cutest thing ever-- just wanted to record that. Also tonight at t-ball, he looked contemplatively at the players on the field and asked, "Them want to see my butt?" Then he mooned the field because he must have answered himself affirmatively. Classy.

Harry's t-ball friends are starting to get their collective crap together. Several hitters would have been out today at first if anyone were keeping any kind of score. Only a couple kids (NOT MINE) knocked over the tee instead of the hitting the ball, and there was no crying. That's a win.

Pool day!

This is Harry before we went to the pool (Jack was screaming "Me no go swimming! Me stay home!" at this moment and had been ever since I pulled out the sunscreen).

This is Harry after swimming. Note he got sunburned in two little places UNDER HIS EYES, the only places on his body where I didn't cover him with UPF cloth or slather him with sunscreen (because who puts sunscreen in their freaking LASH LINE?). Why don't my kids have any pigment?

Jack was okay once we got to the pool. He sat by the side and splashed before Ben got there, and after Ben came to the pool, he and Jack partied it up in the baby pool. Which was hose-water freezing. As was the lower pool. I jumped in (because the heated upper pool was super crowded, and I thought the lifeguards were just being big babies when they told us that we'd like the upper pool better), and I instantly jumped back out because the water was so cold I could not breathe. OMG. The diving pool was supposedly frigid, too, but I took the lifeguards' word for that one. I hope the lower pool warms up soon, though, because it was super crowded today.

I actually don't like this pool as well as the one we joined last year. It's just not as nice. No one is reminding anyone to shower. The lounge chairs leave that weave pattern on my thighs. You can eat anywhere you want, and some kids were eating Jiff out of a jar on the upper pool deck when we got there. Who does that? A kid was also eating Doritos in the baby pool. WTH? But it's about 10 miles closer to our new house than last year's pool. So. Also, Harry LOVED it.

I, by the way, LOVED wearing a rlong-sleeved rash guard. So easy! So much less sunscreen! No tan lines! Genius!

Not a lot going on.

My biggest accomplishment today (besides bleaching the shower grout to a sparking white) was that we stuck to our shopping list at Whole Foods, successfully avoiding $10/lb garlic green beans from the deli and the whole pie case. I admit, the piepass was hard for me, but I was so excited to have discovered organic peaches, the first of the season and my one impulse buy of the trip, that I barely stole a second glance at my favorite pie, the unfortunately named "fudge-bottom." Now where are all the organic grapes and cherries? Because the overflowing displays of conventionally farmed grapes and cherries are killing me-- my mouth is watering every time I pass them.

I had blood drawn for my glucose test the other day, and my doctor also ordered a blood count. The results of it came to my phone app yesterday (I LOVE that all of my tests are sent straight to my electronic chart which I can access via iPhone app), and it looks like I am a titch low on the red blood cells, hemoglobin, and something else that starts with "hem." So I am assuming my iron is low? I'll ask my doctor next week, but for now I am stocking up on red meat and spinach. I have also been neglecting to remember my prenatal vitamin and have the wicked charlie horses to prove it, so maybe that's a factor, too? Anyone else lean toward anemia in pregnancy? What did you do about it?

In a minute, I am going to put Harry to bed after reading some Harry Potter 2, and Ben and I are going to grill steak and eat a big spinach salad and watch the first of the last Harry Potter movies. Sort of like a date, right?

Walk by the lake

End of the school year and a little road trip

We had school conferences today, and Harry's teachers told us that when it is Harry's turn to stand in front of the room and tell a story, he speaks for 5 or 7 minutes. The other kids in class talk for 2 to 3 minutes. This news did not shock us.

Jack's teachers were so sweet about how much they love Jack that we decided to send him back to fancy schmancy school 3 mornings a week in the fall, even though we had planned to save money by sending him 5 mornings to preschool Harry went to last year. He'll be with his same class and his same teachers (they loop), and we are excited, especially since they promised to hand deliver him to the car if the baby is sleeping, so I don't have to go in.

School is closed next week so the teachers can rearrange and clean out and get ready for a summer of water play and dress up form the sound of things. But that's okay with me because THE POOL OPENS SUNDAY, so I know exactly what we'll be doing next week. (Even though it has been 50 and raining all week-- I am an optimist).

We jumped in the car (along with every other idiot in the world) and paid over $4 a gallon despite the news telling us that gas prices were down and drove to see Ben's sister and our adorable nephews and niece today. The kids had so! much! fun! playing.

H and J passed out the whole way home

SO instead of fighting bed time, we went downtown for brats and ice cream (me and Harry) and cupcakes (Jack) and candy (Ben) and to sit by the lake and torment the ducks.

Glucose challenge. Fun times.

The 1 hour glucose tolerance test is gross. The orange drink is gross. The ensuing jittery sugar high is gross. The following blood-sugar crash is gross. And all while sitting in the (gross) basement lab at my doctor's office with no internet access. Gross. And I have been super bitchy and tired ever since because I wanted to spread the fun to my whole family. Because I am a giver.

As an added bonus, the phlebotomist who finally drew my blood after I had been sitting for an eternity on a supremely uncomfortable bench reading Seventeen, said it was a good thing I am having 3 kids "in case one of them sucks." And she would know, she claimed, because one of hers "sucked," so she was glad she had the other two. Wow.

I passed the test-- phew!-- and can continue to binge on pastries and candy.

On a related note, I am getting fat. FAT. Quickly. Maybe it's the pastries and candy?

Graduation

Yesterday, Harry graduated from preschool. Except not really because he totally had school on Thursday, and he's going to school (along with the rest of his class) all summer. So. Um. Not sure what the significance of today was, but it was cute. And parents got to stay for pizza and cake after the ceremony, and I like pizza and cake.

Harry chose his outfit the night before, and he woke up at 5:51 because he was so excited to get dressed.

He kept posing like this in front of the mirror.

I didn't get any good pics of the ceremony because they all had other people's kids in them, but here he is eating cake with gusto.


We did make one terrible mistake: we went out on the big kids' playground with Harry's class before the festivities, forgetting that Jack's classroom looks out on that playground and that Jack often goes to the window when he sees kids outside looking for Harry.

He saw us.

We waved.

He started screaming and crying.

I went into his class in time to see one of his teachers sitting down on the couch with a crying Jack and a thermometer.

"Me sick in my tummy, Mom," he said when he saw me. "Me go home."

His teacher looked shocked to see me because she did not see what happened at the window. "He's not sick," I said. "He saw me and Ben on the playground. We are here for Harry's graduation." How sneaky is he, though, to feign illness because he knew they'd call us?

I ended up taking Jack with us to graduation, and Ben took him back to his room before lunch, which caused him to lose his mind in a big way. He told us that his teacher "Ham" (Pam) helped him calm down when she hugged him and told him to "make a deep breath." Pretty cute.

When I was putting Harry to bed, I asked him what he thought of graduation. "It was okay," he said. "But I didn't get to make a speech."

The Lazy Parent's Guide to Potty Training by Ben and Sarah

This is a no-fuss, success-guaranteed method.

1. Wait until your child is past 3 and shits like a man in his pants. (This step really sets the mood). Like really gross. Like think of your dad taking a shit. Now think of your dad taking a shit as a three-year-old. Disgusting right?

2. Wait until your man-shitting 3 year-old approaches you and says, "Me wear underwear." (Better this than the 8-year-old pants- shitter right?)

3. Put child in underwear. Preferably licensed character underwear.

4. Wait. Watch. Make child feel uncomfortable.

5. Reward child with awkward amount of presents upon completion of BM.

6. If child makes an accident on floor, put face in it. JOKING, DO NOT COMPLETE #6 UNLESS PANTS-SHITTER IS A DOG. In which case, there shouldn't be any pants involved.

7. Child should be using the toilet now. Child should also have an awkwardly high level of self esteem because of the weird praise you've provided for poop and pee.

AND THAT'S IT!

Monday

Bang trim.

Coffee shop with laptop.

Mid-day Costco run.

Burgers on the grill.

New house stalking.

Park jumping.

Raaaar

I spent a really stupid amount of time trying to figure out the Bluetooth in my car today. I got it, finally, but apparently I don't enunciate very well because the weird phone set-up robot lady always asks "Pardon?" Now I need to figure out how to sync my address book because right now I have to dial by number, and I end up screaming (garbled, apparently) numbers at the phone robot lady for way too long. I am sure that all of this is way less distracting than just talking on the damn phone while I drive.

I took Harry to a birthday party at a park today, and I was worried that it was going to be a parallel parking situation, but thankfully the park had a parking lot. I love my van, but I don't think I have reached the point (will ever reach the point) where I will be able to place it neatly between 2 other cars.

The party was super fun-- all the kids and parents know each other by now. The food was great; the not pregnant parents drank beer in the sun which is the best way to drink beer. The birthday cake was the best ever (the dad is a baker), and the entertainment trifecta (caricature artist, face painter, and balloon sculptor) kept the kiddies busy. It was exactly the kind of party I have been begging Harry to have for his b-day. But no. We have invited 2 dozen kids to Chuck E. Cheese's. Pray for me.

Here's Harry a few hours after the party modeling his smudgy lion face with gusto:

Swagger Wagon

Truth be told, Harry would have been happy with any car that has XM radio because now he doesn't have to stop listening to radio Disney. Ever. (I am actually happy with XM, too, because I love listening to MSNBC in the car. When I only listen to Air America, I find myself nodding in agreement but increasingly out of touch with the rest of middle America. Srsly, the Walker victory totally shocked me-- people like republicans? Here? In my state? Oh, yeah. I live in a red state. My bad.).

I really like that I can plug my iPod in with a USB instead of just an auxiliary cord and scroll through my songs with the controls on my steering wheel. Helps make being the kids' personal DJ a little easier. The Bluetooth is good, too, because I don't have to mess with my headphones when I want to make a call. The backup camera is good for me, since I generally suck at backing up, and I am so glad to have my own damn armrest when I am riding with my husband the arm rest hog.

But really, all the things I love most are things I'd love about any new car, since my 3 y/o Camry was just a liiiiiittle to old to have cool stuff come standard.

Jack likes being in his very own row; Harry digs the way-back, and Ben has been itching to drive a minivan since Harry was a plus sign on a pee-stick. None of us likes the whole 18 miles-to-the-gallon thing, but options for hauling 3 kids are surprisingly limited. I wanted an SUV or a crossover since my mileage was going to be crap anyway, but the 3rd row in most of those cars ate up all the cargo room, and the ones with a 2nd row bench that could fit 3 kids across seemed to spell head injury for the new baby crammed in the middle. When our parents come to town, it will be handy not to have to caravan everywhere we go, too, and I will never again have to wedge myself between 2 car seats in order to fit a extra passenger.

We brought the kids and our iPads loaded up with movies for them (because I don't want a TV in my car, but I'll have one very other damn place I go), and we bought it in 3 hours from start to finish-- a car-buying record for sure. But we have been trolling car lots for months, and we were dead set on the Sienna when we left on the Camry's last ride. Plus we're a Toyota family (our last 5 cars have been Toyotas), so my Acadia flirtation was bound to pass (but srsly, that car is AWESOME, and I have my sights set on it for next time when we are down a car seat). WHat can I say? We are loyal to a dealership with awesome snacks and playrooms. Priorities.

Just so you know, Harry is definitely watching the Justin Beiber documentary in this picture

Harry got to ring the happy-new-car-day gong, and he did it with gusto

All Jack wanted to do was jump in showroom cars and drive them. I was happy to let him, until they brought our car around, and then I was all, "Hey man, be careful with my new ride."

Jack patiently waited for us to be oriented to our new car. And I should have paid better attention instead of taking pictures because we sat outside for 10 minutes trying to figure out how to make radio Disney only play in the back of the car for the love of all that is good and holy.

Harry was levitating with excitement.

Lots of room

Ahh, an inaugural car nap during which Ben and I drove around our new neighborhood and complained about people having untidy porches. We're awesome neighbors.

I wore gym clothes because we were picking the car up on our way to the gym at 9 this morning (we did the actual buying yesterday), but one thing led to another, and after the gym we went to lunch and the the grocery store and now it is 2:30, and I am still in my gym clothes-- does this ever happen to you?)

Also, it does not fit in our current garage, so keep your fingers crossed for no hail for the next month or so, kay?

Potty Talk

Jack peed and pooped on the potty all day today. It was great. When he needs to go to the bathroom, he stops what he's doing and says, "Me have that feeling." It's pretty cute.

Oh! I have reached an unfortunate pregnancy stage where my clothes are starting to get too small, and today the seams of my mom-pris were digging into my thighs painfully. These next 15 weeks are going to be so, so glamorous.

Ahhh, summer break.

We began our day by taking Harry to school, and he was sooooo excited to go because not only did the whole school gather in the music room to sing special songs for the chef (it was Chef Tom day apparently), but his class went on a field trip to a pet store today (where they ate lunch, which I find mildly disgusting) . Jack went with Ben and me to Panera for second breakfast and then to the children's hospital to meet with the pediatric ENT to whom we were referred after Jack's last check up when our doctor marveled at the size of his tonsils and speculated that he probably also had the world's biggest adenoids.

The ENT thought we probably would be very happy with the results if we had Jack's tonsils and adenoids removed, but he said that since Jack's only symptoms of distress are mouth breathing, snoring, and a constantly runny nose (because the snot doesn't have room to drain anywhere else), we don't HAVE to go for surgery. So we're not. For now. Jack, by the way, had no clue how close he came to going under the knife.

(Oh! The doctor also asked up if he'd ever had any food or eating issues, and we were stunned! We thought he had oral sensory issues, but he probably just couldn't figure out how to breathe and chew at the same time when he was little. Poor guy. I wonder of his adenoid issue is also why he hates the water-- maybe he can't handle water all up in his cavities.)

After that, we took J back to school, and hit the golf course. After a leisurely 9, we had lunch at our favorite greasy spoon and went home to relax before meeting our realtor to discuss a sales plan for the next 60-90 days.

Summer is the best.

Assorted

Oh, swim lessons.

I have thrown in the towel.

We all 4 went to the pool today, and Jack talked a good game about getting in the water,, but as soon as we entered the pool area, he burst into hysterical tears. He and Ben ended up sitting on the edge of the pool (nowhere NEAR swim lessons) while I swam in the (kind of disgusting, if you really want to know the truth) water and tried to entice Jack into swimming with me. He screamed and scooted backwards every time I got near him.

So.

I don't want to waste my pool membership this summer (oh! the horror!), so I am going to be optimistic and hope that he likes swimming outside this year as much as he did last year. Otherwise, I am going to the pool when he and Harry are at preschool or when Ben is home. (Which? Between the 2 of those things? Means I can still go everyday).

Have I mentioned that the kids will maintain their 3 day a week preschool schedule all summer? They will! And I am SO EXCITED. Ben teaches twice a week in June and July, so I will never be hugely pregnant and alone with both kiddos. Hurray! ANd I teach 4 days a week for 4 weeks and then? No more teaching until late January. Crazy.

In the fall, though, things are getting dicey. Harry is in kindergarten 5 full days a week (all kindergarten is full-day here-- is that weird? What's it like where you live?), and Jack will do 5 mornings of preschool (just 2.5 hours a day), and the baby will be home with Ben and/or me. Lots of kid-time in our future, huh?

These guys are already acting like teeny teenagers. Sometime after breakfast they borrowed our phones and retreated to their room, where they played quietly for a really long time before it occurred to us that we should maybe check on them. The AAP would totally count this as screen time, huh?

SUMMER!

Ben and I both finished our terms today!!

Sure, there's lots of stuff I COULD be doing, but for the rest of this week and part of next, I will ignore it all!!

(Summer school begins on the 13th of June for me, and I need to get ready for maternity leave, but today? T-Ball practice is the only thing on my agenda.)

Chillin

Ben and I are both grading like crazy trying to wrap up the semester. How is it that I can only have one class of 17 students and STILL have so much freaking grading?

Ben had to go to the office today, and I worked from home after dropping the kids off at school and taking a quick trip to the gym, and I worked all day. I didn't even turn on the TV until 4:30 when I watched Jeopardy while folding the laundry. I was terrible at Jeopardy, by the way, proving that I have in fact gotten dumber since I had kids.

I am watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiere and loving their super tacky kitchens while trying to work up the motivation to go into my own kitchen and make apple bread. I feel like it's not going to happen.

OMG. A tree fell on our house today. In our house. On and then in.

Ben I were standing in the kids' room this morning frantically cleaning for an open house we had this afternoon (that people actually came to this time!!), and we had a conversation about how we'd like to have more plants in the new house when we move because we only have 3 in this whole house.

Then we heard a horrible, rumbling, prolonged crash, and the house shook a little. Because, you know, a fucking TREE fell through the roof. Plant problem=solved.

And then I realized what I will miss about living in a condo: not being responsible for anything that happens outside. We called the condo management company's emergency line (after a brief debate during which we came to our senses and realized a fucking tree falling on the house was an emergency), and 20 minutes later, tree guys were there to haul it away. Roofers (and I hope drywallers) to follow tomorrow. Landscapers after that. Easy peasy. Thank god we weren't playing outside.

At first, we thought the inside of the house was spared, but then Harry emerged from his toy closet with some drywall and roof in his hands.



Oh, and no. It wasn't stormy. Just a little breezy. The tree was really old and totally rotten because its trunk was home to about 40 billion ants who have since been released INTO OUR YARD. Um. Shit.

This picture is teeming with ants and ant clusters.

Blragh: Foiled at the Pool

Harry has a playdate this morning, so I asked this guy

what he wanted to do. He said go to the pool "only us" because he wanted to jump in. I slithered into a maternity suit and crammed his feet into his Tevas faster than you could say hysterical temper tantrum, and we ran to the Y only to find that the pool is closed for the day due to chemical imbalance. Fudge.
Randomly, here is my lovely and delicious birthday cake:

My cute new Cubs shirt

And Harry helping me blow out the candles


Also? Bridesmaids was hilarious. I laughed until I cried at 2 separate points in the movie. But, it was reaaaaaaly long. Still, we loved it!

Blogger was down-- not my fault-- NaBloPoMo still on

Due, you guys. Blogger shut down from 5-11 until now. In fact, you will notice that most of your awesome comments on our house post and on my latest swim lesson rant are gone, and so is the whole sim lesson rant. Blogger assures me that my post will be re-added today, so let's see if it is.

Anybody have any suggestions for backing up my blog? Becca suggested making a Wordpress blog, and I think I will do that. I am also archiving it all on my hard drive (and my back up hard drive) but that's kind of a PITA. I looked into printing it into volumes, but that'll be about 1K, so, um, probably not gonna happen.

Thanks for all the Facebook birthday wishes! Ben got me some super cute maternity sundresses and an adorable t-shirt that says "We love the Cubs." He and I are going out for pizza and to see Bridesmaids later tonight. My criticism students gave me a giant pile of take-home exams, so I look forward to grading those while the kiddos fight-- uh, I mean play.
Jack was so cute the other night watching t-ball:

He spent a lot of time kicking back on the grass and looking at the clouds, or, as he called them, "the animals in the sky."

Uncle Jon sent him a Thor costume for his birthday, and Jack LOVES it:

Swim lessons suck

This week, we did make it into our swim clothes (all 3 of us-- fun times), but as soon as Jack had his trunks on, he lost his shit and tried to tear them off his body. Because I am stupid and a glutton for punishment, we were 35 minutes early and planning to all 3 swim together at open swim before lessons. I carried a progressively more hysterical Jack onto the pool deck, telling him over his screams that he and I would sit on the edge and watch Harry, figuring he would calm the fuck down. Not so much. Then Harry freaked out because I tried to put a float belt on him, and he hasn't worn one of those in MONTHS. The indignity was too much for him. But I said since I wasn't getting in, he needed one. Then he started jumping up and down screaming, meaning I had 2 hysterical kids, so we left. Which was exactly what Jack wanted and did not sit well with Harry, who came home and pulled all the arms and legs off Jack's favorite Power Rangers. We had lunch and then went back for open swim. Harry and I swam, and Jack sat on the edge, inching closer and closer to the water. I pulled him in briefly when he was flat on his tummy trying to blow bubbles in the water, but he clung so tight, I set him right back on the edge. We are all 4 going to open swim tomorrow night.

Oh, totally forgot to mention WE BOUGHT A HOUSE LAST MONTH

I have been silent about it because we have been waiting on a million things-- blueprints for the basement we are finishing, the appraisal, our loan paperwork to process, a thousand trips to meet with the realtor and our designer to pick out finishes-- you get the idea.

We bought the house already built, so we didn't get to pick the cabinets, countertops, light fixtures, bathroom floors, or wood floors on the main level. BUT with the exception of the counters and the bathroom floors, it's all stuff we would have picked anyway! We took our long-suffering realtor on trips to view about 64 (no joke) existing homes before we fell in love with a brand new neighborhood. We almost built a 2-story house in the neighborhood, but one day, Ben and I drove through and noticed an adorable already-built ranch with a walk-out basement. We looked in the windows for awhile then called the realtor. She happened to be driving home that way, stopped to show us the house, and bam! We bought it and designed a basement build the next week then took the kids on a hellish trip to pick out appliances, then took the kids on a hellish trip to pick out paint and carpet. Then stopped taking the kids on house errands, except for buying furniture, which is so far the shittiest thing I have ever done with kids.

Today we walked through with the electrician to add 7,000 extra outlets because Ben never wants to be more than a finger-length away from a plug and a cable jack, and we took some terrible pictures. Terrible because the painters haven't come through, so everything is beige, and there is no floor in most of the house, and the basement is all 2 by 4s right now.

That's me where our kitchen table will go.

That's the electrician in our kitchen.

Some of the great room

Ben in the future playroom (I think)

95% sure that's gonna be the downstairs bathroom because of that circle where I think the toilet goes?

That's the guest room for sure-- I can tell because of the electrical box on the wall

Part of the family room

Laundry room shelves? I took some seriously random pictures

Master

Master bath

Closet


Me looking out our bedroom window. The guy who lives behind us has lived there for a long time, which is good because there won't be any building right behind us and bad because he has a van and a propane tank in his yard.

Randomly, here's some more kitchen

Deck

This wall in the kitchen/great room will be a bookcase

Kid bathroom

Baby's room

H and J's room

Their closet

Cute little front door


So. Yeah. We are so excited and can't wait to close and move. Except, you know, moving sucks. Also, no. No we haven't sold our condo. Yes, that also sucks. Hopefully we do.