Eclipsed

My new camera has this creepy feature that allows it to automatically take pictures when it detects smiles. Or at least bared teeth.

It's really handy because I am forever missing my kids' smiles, and they don't even have to hold still-- the camera just clicks away when it thinks it sees a pleasant expression.



Harry has been having some trouble adjusting to our new house. He really misses our old house (he actually claims to still miss the Toyota Matrix I haven't driven since Jack was newborn also), and he is a little scared of this house. In the morning after breakfast, Jack trots happily downstairs to the playroom, but Harry prefers to hang in his room where there are no toys. Today he told me he just wanted to sit on his bed and pet his stuffed snake. So that's what he did, except he got super bored and could not resist bugging the crap out of me and Ben every 3 minutes.

I blame myself for reading him the first 3 Harry Potter books-- he seemed to be freaked out by them even though he loved them and all things Harry. (We decided to wait on the rest of the series because damn! That shit gets scary, so we have launched into the creepy ass world of Roald Dahl an are loving Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with big plans for James and the Giant Peach next. I bought a Dahl 6-pack at Costco, which cracked me up because OF COURSE I had to buy a half dozen-- it's Costco after all.)

He is also facing a huge transition in terms of kindergarten, which starts next week. Moving in sight of school helped calm my fears, but H is still freaking out, I think.

I know that most people go back to work when their kids start school, but back when Ben was still a 9-5er I was going to quit my job this year because Harry will be gone so much, and I wanted one of us to be completely available to him everyday after school. Kindergarten is full-day here-- no options. I am thrilled that either Ben or me will be able to bring the little kids to walk Harry home everyday and that we can volunteer in his class every week. Knowing we can do that makes ME feel better, but I think he is still a huge bundle of nerves.

He has a cute little North Face back pack, a couple of pairs of light-up shoes, a bunch of polos that are yet unstained and all his cute little school supplies packed up and ready to go. He's registered. We meet his teacher next week. We've snooped inside and shown him his classroom and the nearest bathroom.

But I can't help but feel as though this very special time for him has been eclipsed by the new baby whose arrival is (I HOPE) immanent. I hope I am not actually IN the hospital on his first day, that I can haul my fat ass onto the porch for more tentative smile pictures, that I can lumber across the street with him.

This blog always makes me remember when it was just Harry, the center of our universe. I am glad he got a solid foundation of adoration because I worry sometimes that he feels pushed out by his brother and his brother-on-the-way. Sometimes I feel like I don't have TIME for him to be nervous or patience because I just want him to realize how great things are right now. He's just a little boy, though, who wiggles his teeth all the time in the hopes that one will suddenly be loose and who has left the only house he's ever remembered and is a little scared of the dark and of noises and of leaving all his preschool friends.

Glad I have a camera that catches him smiling.