Nights

I think my milk is coming back.  No bottles today.  Sometimes a faster letdown. Good, long naps.

Nursing Cooper to sleep while I write this, and he managed to get a second letdown 15 minutes in, even.  I don't have much time because I spilled an entire bottle of freaking hot pink gas drops all over my bedspread and carpet and I need to keep blotting ASAP.  (Gas drops because that single tablespoon of cereal and the 2 or 3 ounces of formula Cooper has choked down since Thursday have rendered him totally poopless, and he is getting annoyed about it).

But Cooper is doing something precious right now, and I wanted to write it down.  He wants to sleep next to me all the time, in my arms, even.  He's an increasingly restless sleeper in his crib, rolling first onto one side and then onto the other, scooting his body from one end of the bed to the other, but in bed with me, he is perfectly still, as long as he is cradled next to me, with me on my side facing him, both of my arms around him.  If I try to inch away from him, he flings his legs over my waist and grabs my hair with both hands and sleeps holding onto me.  I wake up in the middle of the night just to stare at him, his dark lashes curling on his fat, red cheek, his face frowning in repose, his dimpled knuckles pressed to his chin, his fuzzy hair damp with sweat against my arm.  When I hear him through the monitor at 3 or even sometimes at 1, I am happy to stumble to his room and gather him out of his dark crib and settle him next to me, clasped, until the sound of the big boys stomping in the hallway wakes us both the next day.

(And now that I wrote that, he is going to come in my bed and fuss for 6 hours tonight).