Cooper: A Day in the Life

Okay, so this particular day is a Saturday, but most days in the life of this 14 month-old are exactly the same: You stay home all day with either your mom or your dad or both and some combination of your 2 older brothers. Some days, the whole fam dmaily is together all day. Some days it's just you and a parent in the morning, to be joined by your little big brother at lunchtime. Some days it's you and a parent or two and the little older brother all day.  The big big one seems to be gone a lot during the day. You feel like there's a pattern to this, but you can't quite figure it out.

 Oh, and you go to Little Gym once a week and occasionally if your parents are desperate, you run some errands with them. But because you are such a screamer, you really do stay home all day. Literally. Unless you count walking to and from school to collect or drop off one or both of your brothers.

You hate shopping carts.

You hate strollers.

You think the Ergo pretty much sucks.

You will sometimes ride in the Bjorn, but only if your dad is wearing you, and your feet can dangle at testicle height. This doesn't happen very often.

This morning, you wake up to pizza for breakfast at 6:30.  Sweet.  Mom has given up before the day has begun.  Note:  she cuts your pizza in tiny pieces, and you scream until she gives you the whole slice.  Then you eat it like a man would: with a side of baby yogurt.

After breakfast you plot your escape.

Then you get dressed because you have crapped your pants and soiled yourself with food.

You scream and trail after your mom sadly while she does laundry, cleans up breakfast, makes everyone's beds, and throws some clothes downstairs for your brothers.  She also packs a bag for the big big one because he gets to go to a speech tournament with your dad when basketball practice is over.

Your mom takes you downstairs where she lies on a pillow on the floor and reads a magazine.  You love nothing more than sitting on couches, but you don't know how to get down safely, and you scream to be put on the couch then you scream to get off.  This can literally go on for hours.  So, no one sits on the furniture when you're around.

You make your brothers give you blanket rides.

When they say they are tired, you do not take no for an answer.  You scream instead, and magically, they give you more rides.

At 8:15, you need to lie down for a nap because blanket rides really are exhausting.  When you wake up at 10:15, you see that the big big brother is gone.

You and your mom and the little big take a bike ride to the park (not you, you ride in a goddamn stroller, and you scream about it).

Your mom can't take any pictures at the park because she is pretty sure you are going to kill yourself on the equipment, so she follows you around like a lumbering shadow.

At 11:30 you go home for lunch and Sesame Street even though you aren't 2 yet.  Your mom-- she really has given up.  Today you eat a bagel with cream cheese, an apple, some strawberries, and a Trader Joe's apple carrot crusher pouch or 2.  You also scream for a brownie.

After lunch, you all go outside to play in the backyard because it is freakishly warm outside.  

This is really fun and lasts until you step in a bucket of rancid water and soak yourself to your knees and then you and your brother drink citronella candle water because you are idiots.

You go inside to change, but that's okay because the bathroom is a freaking amusement park.

Srsly.  It has TOOTH BRUSHES.  What could be awesomer?

It's not quite nap time, so your mom takes you downstairs and puts you in a large bucket of toys.  With your brother.  Erm.

You nap again from 1:30-3:05 and you are happy to see that your mother is clean and showered and wearing makeup when you get up.  She really looked a mess today.  You'd think she'd want to spend a little time on herself before afternoon.  Moms.  They really let themselves go.

You go to campus to see your dad and pick up your other brother.  Mom wears the Ergo, but you aren't going to lie, it's a little uncomfortable with her big ol' stomach sticking out.

You go to Subway for dinner.  Your brother has to poop while you are checking out.  He almost doesn't make it, judging from his loud announcement.  Your mom is still wearing you while she holds him on the toilet and wipes him.  So gross, man.

She wears you while you eat, which is kind of weird for you and messy for her.

After dinner, your mom has to bribe your brothers into the van.  She tells them it's a Toy Day, whatever that means.

You are soon horrified to discover that Toy Days mean a ride in a cart.  Carts are horrible.

You pick out a foam basketball and eat part of it in the car on the way home.

You are in bed by 6:30, a pacifier in your mouth and an extra in your hand.

You can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.