I am so fat my arms are the size of thighs.

Seriously.

And you know what?  I can't STOP EATING.

Part of me thinks we might have another baby, so I have been reluctant to get my crazy giant eating under control (not sure how to punctuate that but OBVS mean that I eat like a crazy fucking giant (see thigh-arms)).  But then we had so much fun with our kids this weekend, and I realized that I will always have to mourn the last baby no matter which baby that is, and it's great to go out for brunch and do fun things around town with these very kids that we have right now.  Will a baby cramp our styles and strain our budget?  So, anyway, I NEED TO STOP EATING SO MUCH but today I ave had a brat and fries for lunch and nachos and champagne for dinner, so shit.

But, BONUS!  Harry got a FitBit from my parents for his birthday, so I am working so hard to keep up with him.  Which I never will.

Jack!!  LOVES TO VACUUM!  This is obviously a wonderful development.

 Moments after I took this adorable Friday night picture of these fools ordering a garbage dinner from the pool snack shack, they all lost their damn shit at adult swim, and we had to go home, which really sucked because Ben was in Chicago for a memorial service for his speech coach, so I was on my own for bedtime and planned to shower them at the pool and stay super late.  Then, to add insult to injury, I woke up the next day to see that our friends who were at the pool with me when the kids freaked out had a fun smores party after the pool closed that we missed because MELTDOWNS.

 Saturday, we took the kids downtown for brunch, which turned out to be really fun (SO WEIRD), which was the catalyst for rethinking potential baby 5.  Also, WHERE DID MY COLLAR BONE GO?  I haven't been too fat for a collar bone since the 6th grade.

 Dorothy, admiring the ceiling in the capitol rotunda

 which is worth lying on cold dirty marble for:

 WHERE IS MY COLLAR BONE?

 Back on the Terrace!

 Hams, again:

 Thigh arms and hidden collar bone at the pool.

 Have I mentioned that I love the pool?

 Ben took the boys to the PGA tournament by our house

 They were excited to see Brett Favre.

 I LOVE THE POOL SOME MORE.

 We told the kids to dress fancy today.  LOLz for days.

 Lunch!  With iPads!

 Apres-lunch darts.  Like you do.

 Arms the size of legs.  And 3 cute kids

 WATER SLIDE!

 They played outside for over 3 hours!!  WIN!!

 Family nacho and Big Brother night!  An excellent, albeit fattening, tradition.

Cross your fingers for me-- there are 5 10-year-old boys coming over here to hang out all day tomorrow.  Gulp.

Summer. It's pretty great.

I am so tan I look like a California Raisin (there's a dated reference if ever there was one), and I use sunscreen every time I go to the pool.  I am starting to take it personally--like I have too much area to cover for sunscreen to help me.  I definitely need more than a shot glass, that's for sure.

 Cooper had his first tee ball game, and even though it didn't start until 15 minutes before the little kids' bedtime (fuck you, summer activities.  some of us put our kids to bed super early so we can watch bad TV and drink vodka lemonade slushies), we all went to watch, even though we knew that would probably end badly.

 Dorothy just sat in dirt and threw it.

 He was a good batter

 All she wanted to do was run into the park.

 Eventually, she just threw herself in a volleyball court.  I had to take her home when she started eating the sand.

I worked in my office on Tuesday and then woke up in a panic on Wednesday morning because I couldn't find my computer.  I ended up driving a half an hour downtown to look in my office and see if it was there (it was!) and we detoured by the lake for some cute pictures.

 Little hams.

 Nobody fell off the dock?

 She had to sit in ALL the big chairs, not just one

 Things started to deteriorate.

 Harry was really excited about the heart-shaped rock he found at the pool.

 Ben and I had a lovely date night on Wednesday and then veered into the Toys R Us parking lot on the way home to buy everyone a surprise.  Which of course they fought over.

 This little cutie spent the day with us. It was fun to make little toddler meals again.

 And of course, my favorite place:

 Beatrix took a surprise dump in Dorothy's room today, but she got her own plate of breakfast anyway because pancakes are her favorite.

 We had a family Big Brother viewing this morning.  I love that show!

Ah, summer.

At the office! Doing work! Like a person with a job!

 We had a family party for Harry's birthday this weekend, and last week, Dorothy and I dropped Jack at baseball practice (LATE because I SUCK) and made a mad dash to Costco to grab supplies for it and more pool towels because I can always use more pool towels. As you can see from the above photo, we grabbed and ran.  Good thing I had Dorothy to take notes in my Moleskine or we would have forgotten important things like the 2 dozen eggs we needed to break (I mean, clearly we only bought them to destroy them or else why would we throw them in the cart all crazy?)

I am not really a helicopter mom, but for some reason, dropping Jack off at a junior high 15 minutes from our house and running 15 minutes to Costco and back (plus madcap shopping time) made me all freaked out.  I was so worried he wouldn't be there when we got back (LATE because I SUCK).  But, of course he was, and in further evidence of my total suckitude, I got the pick up time wrong and he still had 20 minutes left to play.

It has been cool at night and in the morning here, but my little walking buddy decided about 15 minutes in that her footie pajamas were too warm.  I mean.  Duh.

 They are total twins.

 All I do is go to the pool and take selfies in various retro looking bathing suits.  I am super retro tan, too.

 The kids pretty much just eat garbage.  So.  Pretty proud of that.

 FARMERS' MARKET!  I bought nary a vegetable, but I did get snap dragons, hot and spicy cheese bread, and a magic coffee.  TOTAL WIN.

 Cooper whined until he got a snack (a chocolate croissant), then whined because he wanted a different snack, then whined because his legs were tired.  HE WAS SO FUN).

 Legs too tired to stand up for a picture:

 TACOS for lunch.  This was a surprisingly easy and delicious large-crowd lunch-- we had different types of shells, lots of cheese and veggie topping, guac, salsas, etc. and make chicken and beef in crockpots.  Total win.  99% of the time when our families come over we grill out, os we wanted to be slightly different.

 Even Henry liked it!

 Once again we celebrated Harry being 10, and I am still in disbelief.

 This cake with a double batch of this icing was AMAZING and wonderful and I wanted to make out with it.

 Later we went out for Father's Day

 And then Ben slept in on Sunday while my completely hungover self got up to get Jack out the door to go fishing with my dad and brother and haul everyone else to baseball at 8.  Blurgh.

 We hit the pool for family float day, and I was pretty excited about using my big swan.

 But then the whistle blew for adult swim, and the kids acted like that had never happened before and threw a bunch of tantrums and Ben and I had a bitchy fight with each other, and we all went home before jack and ben and Henry and Desiree could join us, quickly ruining everyone's morning.  We gathered our stuff up quickly, and I tried to flounce to the car trailed by screaming children, but it is really hard to flounce with a giant swan, and I got stuck in the door of the locker room which would have been funny, but I was just so angry.

We finished the day at a lovely barbecue filled with dripping, happy kids and delicious fajitas.

 And then yesterday I had to deal with this mountain of laundry, which I gotta say was totally flabbergasting because we did laundry all weekend.  WHAT THE HELL?

 The kids and I saw Finding Dory with friends and all loved it (Harry less than the rest of us-- but it was the first movie that mesmerized Dorothy, so that was relaxing)

 LOL

 Cooper!!  Can go off the board and swim in the 12-foot!  It's amazing!

I am off to buy a baseball cap and take a walk around the lake before going home and changing my clothes (along with taking my first shower in a couple of days--erm.) for Cooper's FIRST OFFICIAL TEE BALL GAME.  Adorable pictures to come.