Scared skinny?

UGH.

I am FOR REAL THIS TIME getting my nutritional shit together.  I SWEAR.

I am not happy with how I look lately/with how my clothes feel.  Part of me just wants to say eff it and buy bigger clothes, but the other part of me thinks that my clothes might seem brand new if they FIT BETTER.

I haven't weighed myself since the Whole 30 ended, but I am sure those 8 pounds (and more) have crept back on. The jacket I wore yesterday was so tight in the arms that a single mosquito bite near my shoulder would have made it unwearable.  I go to the doc next week for my annual physical, so I'll see the numbers then.  WHICH IS SOON ENOUGH.

Ben and I talked about this Ravishly piece on our podcast this week (It'll be out today or tomorrow.  Or maybe it came out yesterday.  I want to keep you guessing.  If you are an Apple person, you can listen and subscribe here, and you can also listen on our website), and I cannot stop thinking about it.

I definitely drink too much.  Too many drinks at a time and too many days of the week.  It's just what people do in Wisconsin, and it;s what we expect moms to do all over the place.

I sometimes feel like I need some wine to slip into the second shift at night, and as one of my really smart Facebook friends pointed out, wine is the kind of vice-masquerading-as-self-care that you can take advantage of with your kids in the room.  I might need kid-watching help to take a jog or do some yoga, but I can parent WITH wine in my hand,

Anyway, it's bad for me, and it's making me fat.

I woke up to a slew of pictures from the speech team even on Facebook today.  And while some of them were cute

This one made me cry

This is what I look like?  It's like me peering out from a shiny fat suit.

As of now, I am back on the My Fitness Pal, and I am not going to drink.  Tonight for sure.  Thinking about the Weight Watchers bandwagon.  Or another month of Whole30.  Keto? Intermittent fasting?  NOT CRAMMING ALL THE SNACKS INTO MY FACEHOLE?  I am still working on a plan.