How to get totes ridiculous hair in 7 easy steps

1.  Have PMS because for some reason, you lose your ability to understand or manage time when you have PMS.  It's so awesome.
2.  NEED to wash your hair because it has literally been a week, and even though you made it 8 full days last time without a wash, yesterday, you smelled something pelty, and it was YOU.
3.  Want to make Pioneer Woman's turkey tertrazzini with the very last of the Thanksgiving turkey.  This is not an easy recipe, but it's only hard because there are so goddamn many steps, which you won't remember until there is flouer in all of the places, and you forgot to cook the bacon and wow that spaghetti that's been draining in the sink is still really hot.  Also, you need to want to make this recipe in the morning.  Even better if it's a really busy morning and at least one of your kids freaked out because their snow gear feels funny.
4.  Make sure it snowed last night, so you need to leave earlier than usual to get to work on time.
5.  Take a shower and finally my god finally wash your damn hair but then get caught up in dinner prep and lose track of time (see 1) so that you have to leave with it still a little wet, no blow out, no flat iron, smelling like a garlic mushroom roux.
6.  Leave your long-suffering husband to do the dishes and voice-to-text an email to your students apologizing for your tardiness on the way to campus.
7.  Hold class in the zoology building instead of your usual building so you can smell like roux and lab rats.  This is just  bonus.  It doesn't affect how dumb your hair looks, but it does make you need to wash it again before Hanukkah is over.

Presto.