I have whole days where I feel OK-- or, at least where I don't notice that everything is a little duller than it would have been on April 24. And then I feel terrible for not actively feeling terrible. And then I really do feel terrible, you know? Then I remind myself that I am much sadder than I would normally be basically all of the time and I have gotten so used to this default sadness that it just feels like I am not sad. Which is, clearly, a horribly depressing line of thought, so then I get sad about that.
I have talked to wonderful friends who have lost parents (the upshot of being one thousand years old is that your friends are also going through these terrible milestones and they can help you work through all of your sad stuff), and they all assure me that this is just how it is. For awhile. For longer than I wanted to hear, actually.
Having kids helps. I mean, not only are kids completely resilient, but also, they force you to live in the present moment because it is pretty much their only moment. (Which, admittedly, is a flaw in the way kids' brains work).
We have (thanks to Family Circle) started playing rose, bud, thorn everyday to talk about the nest and worst parts of our days and something we are looking forward to, and their excitement about summer and the end of the school year is just darling.
The little three (ha! little!) in Jack's last ever elementary school Friday!!
In 2015, we lost our daughter to SIDs. She was 7 weeks old. Having (at the time) two kids who needed me was the only thing that kept me moving each day. And yes, the grief lingers for far longer than one would like. What has helped not only me, but my kids as well, is our Random Acts of Kindness campaign in her name. It's been simple things like pay for the person behind us at the drive thru, buying a few gift cards and asking the cashier to use them on the next X number of orders, to donations in her name, or care packages during cold season for the kids teachers (tea bags, cough drops, chap-stick, little hand sanitizers). My mom donates clothes and gifts to a child who would be my daughter's age at Christmas each year. We partnered with an Usborne rep and did a book fundraiser. We were able to gift $500 in books (for baby to pre-teen). Certainly not the same path of grief that you are walking right now, but maybe something like this would help you. Sending lots of love and light your way! <3
ReplyDelete