The Unexamined Privilege of Fatherhood

This happened when I made Jack’s top bunk, and I am of course going to take it as an invitation to revisit my exercise and nutrition habits. Ben fixed it for now, but it makes me think that maybe we need to rethink the boys sleeping in these beds. I am pretty sure they weigh more than I do.

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Fancy dress day midweek because why the heck not.

Jack and I attended the Go Big Read keynote address at my school, and I was so proud of him for reading the book, and we both adored How the Word Is Passed. If you haven’t read it yet, you really should. Jack was especially interested because his honors history class is studying the civil war right now, and they are reading the actual articles of secession as part of their study. Smith talks in the book about meeting people who learned in school that the war was not about slavery, and Jack was able to say, “But we read the actual articles. They mention slavery in the first line for most states.” He is also learning about assimilation in his honors English class (and reading The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian, another book you should read if you have not already), so he turned to me and whispered “assimilation” seconds before Clint Smith said it in his talk. So cool to watch these big concepts resonate with him.

Speaking of Clint Smith! He is an excellent speaker, and I have used his YouTube channel to teach some tough critical theory concepts in my large lecture class about campaigns and revolutions.. His talk was terrific, and I adored the way the chancellor sat onstage with him during the keynote talk and directed the conversation. He was so kind to the people in the audience who asked questions, and he was just so brilliant off the top of his head. He has a new book of poetry about fatherhood coming out in March, which brings me to the title of this blog post.

An audience member asked Smith what kind of self-care he practiced during the writing of How the Word Is Passed since the book covers some difficult subject matter and since Smith engaged in some tough conversations with people he met. He said that he takes refuge in his family because he has 2 little kids. Then he said something that rubbed me the absolute wrong way, He said (kind of sanctimoniously, if I am being honest) that he makes the choice as a parent to be completely present with his children. 

Ok, what. 

No caregiving parent who spends whole days with their young children would EVER EVER EVER say that.  Only a working parent with a ton of childcare or a drop-in dad parent with a stay-at-home spouse can say such a thing. It is an enormous privilege to compartmentalize your time in such a way. It’s not a choice that someone makes that proves they’re a superior parent, you know? It reminded me of a sociology professor I had in grad school who got her degree at Harvard and talked about how she could never really buy into John Rawls’ theory of justice as fairness when she saw his wife caring for all the little Rawls children so he could write in his office day in and day out. How can you take care of a kid ALL DAY and be completely present? Not possible, I say. And what about work stress, etc. Oh, the largely unexamined privilege of fatherhood!

To be fair, this was a fairly minor complaint in an impressive talk, and the book is wonderful.

We also enjoyed the chancellor’s reception and had some very fancy nachos and brownies.

In other news, Minnie scored some new accessories at Target

And!! We all celebrated Cooper’s travel baseball team with a super fun dinner. And by all, I mean me, Ben, and Cooper while Harry held down the fort at home.