So here's the thing about having 5 kids: You realize that nothing about them is actually because of you. When you have 1 or 2 kids, it is easy to think I did x, so my kids act y, but as you start to pile on more kids, you realize that's not how it works, exactly.
We have brought up 5 kids the same way with such different results, and sleep and food habits are 2 areas where this is so apparent. We have 2 adventurous eaters (although Jack really hates most fruit, which is fine because he loves veggies), one pretty affable eater, one suuuuuuuper picky eater, and a toddler (who is pretty agreeable and adventurous but is also 2). We did food the same for all, and they just turned out to be themselves, you know?
Ditto sleep. 5 kids. All treated the same re: sleep and nighttime feeds. AND MINNIE IS TERRIBLE. The rest were all sleeping through the night by 16 months at the latest, no effort of any kind of our part. WHAT THE HECK, MINNIE?
I will say she is the only kid who still naps at 2 years and 5 months, I think because all of the others started part-day preschool at 2 and even though they only went in the morning 2 or 3 days a week, the commute home fore lunch just ruined their nap schedules. I also had to move them out of their cribs either because there was another baby coming or because they started climbing out or both. For our kids, the freedom of sleeping in a bed meant the freedom to choose not to nap.
Do I love the mid-afternoon break more than I love uninterrupted nighttime sleep? Like, if I could only choose a good nap or a good night which would I pick? BOTH. I WANT BOTH.
At least (the very, very, very least in this case) I don't feel like I have done anything to CAUSE her bad sleeping, so no mom guilt is a plus. BUT I AM STILL VERY TIRED.
Anyone have any ideas for helping convince a toddler she wants to be a better sleeper? We aren't sleep trainers, no cry-it-out, etc. I got an OK to Wake clock that should come this week, so maybe that will save us? We are getting outside every day, limiting naps to under 2 hours, putting her to bed a smidge earlier (counter-intuitive, but sleep begets sleep). Other thoughts?
She is SO cute, you can't even tell she is a sleep destroyer! I have no advice. My kiddo has always been a poor sleeper. It seems to go in phases, though, so hopefully Minnie will grow out of this phase soon. The OK to Wake clock was pretty good when my kid was younger, in that she did not get out of bed. But she still woke up and sang and talked to herself and giggled and it was very cute but not restful for her mother. Good luck, Sarah! You have all my empathy!
ReplyDeleteI just want to sleeeeeep— I swear I would doze through the cute giggle playing.
DeleteI have nothing but sympathy. We did sleep train our kids but our approach won't work for you since it involved crying. Sleep is in a much better place for us now, but it was horrid when the kids had ear infections. We were up with them 3-5 times/night and I was a zombie. I actually don't really know how I got through that stage of life? And we opted to buy another crib versus taking the older son out of his when the baby needed to move out of our bedroom because I loved that he could not get out of bed on his own! Our older son staying in his crib until he was 3.5 years old. We got some passive aggressive comments about this from a few people but he didn't mind his crib so I figured - why mess with it? So we'll probably keep Will in his crib until he's 3. Our older son napped until around 3.5 so we did the bed transition when he was ready to drop a nap.
ReplyDeleteEven with 2 kids, I am already seeing how little we control. I was probably a little smug about how much our oldest loved books. Then Will came around and had zero interest and I was like - "huh, I guess I didn't impact his love of reading like I thought I did!" Our kids are so very different. 2 was a breeze with Paul but is giving us a run for our money with Will. And then the more kids you have, the more differences you note. It's kind of mystifying that my 4 siblings and I all came from the same 2 people. Some of us couldn't be more different!!!
I just feel like we’re too late to sleep train at this point. That ship sailed over a year a go, and we shoulda been on it.
DeleteWe did cry-it-out with both kids and one cried a lot. It was terrible but I felt like I was going crazy and our doctor suggested we try. I hated it, but it did work...The other child cried one night and that was it.
ReplyDeleteOur kids did 3 full days of preschool/week, but our preschool did have a 1/2 day option!
Hope the clock helps. And sleep definitely begets sleep; I suspect when she drops naps it may help with nighttime. Though, oddly enough, when our son dropped his nap he started staying up over an hour later each night and has struggled with early bedtimes ever since!
Sleep with kids is nutzo! When I found out I was pregnant with #2, literally the very first thing I thought was: Oh my goodness. I have to do naps again.
Nothing filled my Mama heart with dread more than naps (I mean, I loved them when they worked, but getting kids to sleep when we were out and about or coordinating OUR ENTIRE LIVES AROUND A NAP THAT THEY'D WAKE UP FROM AFTER 5 MINUTES DROVE ME CRAZY).
Okay...I clearly still have angst around the whole kid sleeping thing...
Naps with more than one kid are so tricky. I remember going to great lengths to get whoever was youngest at the time to sleep and then it wouldn’t work and we’d all be put out and so crabby. Just one baby? I don’t mind being nap trapped.
DeleteWe had the same situation at 2 yo and the only thing that worked was cutting her nap down to 1 hr or less. We'd wake her up from her nap and it was terrible at first. But she got used to the shorter nap and finally started sleeping straight through the night. I know that's not the answer you want - I'm sorry! - but thought I'd at least share one experience.
ReplyDeleteOH I THINK YOU’RE RIGHT BUT UUUUUUUUGH.
DeleteI've been reading you since the beginning, and my kids are just younger than H&J. We had a Claessen kids' clock. It does have an alarm feature, but you can choose to make it silent. We always had the sheep on the clock just wake up quietly in case our kids were still sleeping.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.amazon.com/Claessens-Kids-KidSleep-Classic-Improved/dp/B019DO5GS4/ref=psdc_165797011_t1_B01DV8PUWU
Erm, just noticed the price on this clock. That's insane and not what we paid!
DeleteSuch a cute clock!! I turned the alarm on this one off after a stupid early wake up today (LOLOLOLOL)
DeleteUgh, I'm sorry. Our kids were all trash sleepers which is a big part of the reason that there's not more of them, honestly. Weaning helped a ton (no idea why, but it was a thing multiple times) as did sleep training--turns out if you're up every 90 minutes for months at a time you will basically try anything. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI soooooo want to wean. But she does not, and the’s the last one, etc etc etc
DeleteIf you have the right kind of clock, you can use it to sleep train with minimal crying. We used a hatch rest, which you can control from your phone. We told our kid, when it turns green mommy will come, and when he woke up we gave him about 15 minutes, and then when he started to get antsy and whimpery, we turned the light green (this was, horrifyingly, at about 4:30 am). As he got accustomed to this, he stopped getting antsy so quickly and sometimes would fall back to sleep, and we were able to push the time later. It took us about 6 weeks to get to 7 am, and he still has the light 4 years later (we did this when he was 18 months old) and still stays in bed until the light turns green. But he is also a pretty affable kid. We started kid 2 with the light much younger and she is currently 2y8m and has slept through the night maybe 10 times in her life.
ReplyDeleteOH this is AWESOME! Thanks for the tip
DeleteDoes Minnie share a room with any of the other kids? Elizabeth Pantley’s book “The No Cry Sleep Solution” suggests that kids share a room, and many kids are comforted by having someone else there. Elizabeth Pantley also has a toddler version of the book (The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep https://a.co/d/dFJyJq1).
ReplyDeleteMy 3 kids share a room and have for many years. Are there some bedtime shenanigans? Yes, but still worth it.
Just an idea to try!
Great idea! I think she and Dorothy would be excellent roomies because they both sleep better with someone else. But! Their rooms are the smallest in the house. It would make sense for them to share a room downstairs, but then would the boys use the upstairs bathroom that guests also use? This sounds like a bad idea. I am stymied by the house layout, in short.
DeleteNone of my kids have been amazing sleepers - none slept through the night regularly before a year. My youngest I think was the worst. Until about 4-5yo, he would come to our bed more nights than not. (And now at almost 7, he still comes about once a month...) Honestly, it was easier for me one they could come to our room on their own. I didn't wake up as much because I just had to make room for them. And they normally feel back asleep quickly.
ReplyDeleteYes— if she could just slip in, that would SO FINE with me
DeleteThis is so hard - neither of my kiddos was a great sleeper at that age. Weaning does help eventually, I think, but for me it wasn't reason enough to wean. The OK to wake clock did help as well. Also, I think it is so interesting to think that even if we think we are parenting in the exact same way for different kids, they are still having different experiences. For example, how many siblings they have affects the rhythm of their days/nights, COVID I am sure has had an effect on all kids, the preschool situation, the nap situation, the crib situation, all of those could be factors even if you are doing the same things. Also - all day preschool - as the only option - that is crazy to me! I was sad because our public schools switched from half day to full day kindergarten between my first kid and my second. Hoping you find one that works for you, and that you get some sleep soon!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh you are so right. She definitely has a different experience just by being the doted on baby.
DeleteYou're completely right: kids turn out the way they turn out. I have a twin sister and we were obviously raised the exact same way (being the same age and all) but we couldn't be more different. Isn't that interesting and fascinating?
ReplyDeleteSince I don't have kids, I don't have any nuggets of wisdom re: Minnie's sleep patterns. Hope it resolves itself.
That’s fascinating!
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