If my kids with 504 plans could turn their work in on time all of the time like neurotypical kids, they would not have 504 plans. Why is that a thing I have to say so often?
Being the parent of a high schooler is hard.
Being the parent of multiple high schoolers is harder.
Being the parent of a high school junior is even harder.
Being a parent of multiple high school kids with ADHD harder still, and parenting a high school JUNIOR who is in those last 2 CLUTCH SEMESTERS before COLLEGE APPLICATIONS and is still working on executive function? SO SO SO SO HARD. (I went to all-caps too soon because OMFG).
<<insert head exploding emoji>>
You absolutely cannot be a helicopter because soon high school kids will be college kids, so they really must learn how to do school by themselves. But! Part of that "by themselves" process is figuring out how to advocate for themselves and their needs, how to seek help, how to figure out what they don't know but still need to, etc. So like maybe a little helicoptering?Also!!!! They cannot quite understand the life-shaping consequences of choosing "break" when the academic year is make-or-break re: post-high-school plans. And when your kids are also very smart and capable so maybe their failure to do some work or study for a big summative exam comes across as lazy and not the result of poor executive function? Ugh, it's all very fraught.
It's a very lot, and I am so happy I have a toddler to escape to when high school parent life feels too real. (Also, they are both FINE and doing VERY WELL-- but they could be doing SO MUCH MOOOOOOOOOOOORE. And we have 5 kids, so we can either send everyone to STATE SCHOOLS or they can distinguish themselves and get merit money elsewhere. GAH. It's just, like, grades equal CONSTANT VIGILANCE on my part, and why me? I already went to high school. Also!! I HATE the electronic LMS and the notifications it sends and the expectations that parents are paying attention to them and the transfer of the emotional labor of worrying about grades and class work that used to rest with students)
I know this is coming for me...and I AM NOT READY.
ReplyDeleteSigh. I wish I had some great solution, but parenting is hard and I can only imagine the pressure of having kids on the cusp of so many big decisions.
Sending love!!
thank you!
DeleteThis is so tough. And school in general seems so different from when I was in school - at least that is the impression I get from talking to my colleagues with middle/high schoolers. Like the fact that they CAN hand in an assignment late as long as it's before the quarter or semester ends? That was so not an option for this 90s kids (I graduated in 1999). It's tough because some of this seems to come down to nature. Like my brothers were not "great" at school, I think due to a combo of executive functioning and one having ADHD. Then I was a total and absolute perfectionist, but probably to an unhealthy extent. So I didn't require any involvement from my parents and had my act together.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough to figure out the right level of involvement, though. Like they need to experience natural consequences, but ideally before it's detrimental to their college application process. Gah. I am going to predict that my oldest is going to be like me. He has my perfectionistic tendencies. We'll see what personality emerges from Will. But he is definitely in the running for the class clown personality. When we read books at night, I will say, "where the kitty?" And he'll smile at me and point at the dog with a look of glee. But he's 2 so a lot can change in the next 10+ years!
YES-- some of these consequences are just too big for a 14-16 y/o to grasp. Gah.
DeleteThis! And trying to teach these kids why it's important to care about things like getting enough sleep, turning in assignments when you're supposed to, informing us of when a damn permission slip is supposed to be turned in, and then acting like it's our fault!
ReplyDeleteIt's absolutely exhausting...
Solidarity
DeleteI was teaching high school in the mid 2000s when it was sort of cutting edge technology to have parents be able to see their students' electronic gradebooks. Parents seemed to be in three camps: those who checked it a million times a day and seemed to be the ones actually taking the class, parents who checked it right before conferences, and parents who never checked it at all. I remember thinking that parents in the first group must have such a mental load to keep track of their own life responsibilities, as well as their kids; the parents in the second group were probably doing it right; and the parents in the third group were probably what I would be like as a parent, but seemed vaguely irresponsible.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know what the right answer is for schools, though. Depending on your district/school, so many kids have 504s or IEPs that sometimes it can be overwhelming for the teachers. And sometimes I think the accommodations don't actually do a service to students, particularly if it means the students get overwhelmed with work if they can turn stuff in late but then they don't do it until the last week of the grading period. Argh. I don't envy anyone on either side of it!
the expectation today is that parents ARE watching it. We get all-school communication from the principal that echos this message weekly, and I just feel like it's ultimately bad for kids for parents to be involved at such a granular level.
DeleteAhhhh! This sounds so stressful! I have this same internal argument all the time. Like... don't be TOO helicoptery because she has to figure it out... but don't be TOO laissez faire because how is she supposed to learn???? UGH! I wish I had a magic pill or advice or whatever, but all I have is empathetic UGGGGGHHHHH.
ReplyDeleteIt's SO HARD to navigate.
DeleteSorry you have such a hard time (today/currently?). I guess teenage years take a toll on everyone. It is so hard for parents to see the potential but the kids not using it. As a kid I vividly remember the "constant stress" of my parents to figure out how to move forward and what happens after school. I. know it was all good will but it left me so overwhelmed because I just didn't know it was all too fast to comprehend....
ReplyDeleteI do think that’s a huge part of it. Teenagers have no ability to understand how fast everything moves and really how important it all is.
DeletePhew, that sounds like a lot. I don't envy you. Let's focus on Minnie's adorable new mermaid swimsuit.
ReplyDelete