I wrote this last week and didn't post it because it was so ranty, but...
1. I love snow days-- LOVE THEM-- but the middle-class moms pearl-clutching about them on social media is driving me bonkers. I especially hate when the social media complaints are framed as "the children need to be at school" or "we just wanted a little normal today." Um. Lady. Did we not just come off of like 2 years of virtual school??? A couple of days? Probably fine. Just say what you mean: MY KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL WHEN I AM USED TO HAVING THEM IN CARE INFRINGES ON MY TIME AND MAKES ME ANXIOUS AND KIND OF ANNOYED. Also? It is normal for children to be in their homes with their grown-ups. It's, like, literally where we live. Together.
2. I love snow days, but boy do they expose AGAIN how much we need our schools to do and how incredibly angry we get when they cannot rise to the impossible task. Like, let's not worry that corporate America is still organized round the myth of the disembodied worker without any care needs (for himself or other people) because we can BOARD OUR CHILDREN AT SCHOOL DURING MOST OF THE WORK DAY and at after-school programs that are pretty pricey for places that pay untrained workers minimum wage for the other few hours and pretend that things are mostly ok. But then! SCHOOLS CLOSE and we realize there is a HUGE PROBLEM with an economy that demands dual earners but does not give any shits about childcare because that is lady work. And what do we do? RAGE AGAINST SCHOOLS for closing their doors. (Also-- remember this expensive wrap-care thing in a minute because it makes me stabby when people can buy into a classist system (literally and figuratively) when it serves them and their own nuclear family but then pretend to be super concerned about all children when they have an unexpected childcare-free day or 3. Demand better childcare support for everyone every day-- vote for it. Harass your reps about it. Hassle your company for it. Organize your colleagues to ask for it collectively. Spend your money at companies that treat their workers like connected humans.).
3. I love snow days because I am living the most privileged of privileged lives and can love them. My kids are mostly neuro-typical (bad executive function doesn't impair a snow day!). My job is not an asshole. My spouse can sort of be around, too. We have plenty to eat and lots of fun things to do. We have a warm house and resources to fund a plan B if the power goes out. Everything is going right for us to enjoy a snow day (or 2 in a row followed by a teacher in-service which is what happened this week), and I wish everyone could feel happy to have their kids home because kids should look back at snow days with uncomplicated joy-- what a fun, cozy surprise they are! Also! I wish we could direct our collective anger at a system (late-stage capitalism? neo-liberalism? dying democracy?) that isn't serving us instead of at schools or at moms who like a houseful of kids. My happiness isn't making your school close, you know? Also, MADISON'S INABILITY TO CLEAR THE SNOW FROM THE STREETS is the bad guy here. So at least let's rage against city officials who only plow side streets when we have 3 inches of snow but don't make exceptions for ICE. And! All workers should be able to cope with unexpected care needs as they pop up without fearing repercussions at work. We need to demand a better system.
4. I love snow days, but I hate social media middle class lady tears imploring fellow moms to think of children from underserved populations when what they mean to say is MY KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL WHEN I AM USED TO HAVING THEM IN CARE INFRINGES ON MY TIME AND MAKES ME ANXIOUS AND KIND OF ANNOYED. I have a lot of issues with my kids' school district, but I absolutely think that decision makers take the needs of all kids into consideration when they close school. They know that kids are from houses where food is scarce. They know little kids might be left alone or in not ideal care circumstances because their parents have to work. They know that the pandemic and access to resources for virtual schools widened existing achievement gaps. And they still make the call to close school for public safety. It's a sad vestige of COVID that we have lost the ability to trust the decision makers.
5. I love snow days, but MY KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL WHEN I AM USED TO HAVING THEM IN CARE INFRINGES ON MY TIME AND MAKES ME ANXIOUS AND KIND OF ANNOYED.
I'm a lousy commenter but I do read your blog and I say A TO THE MEN (except not the patriarchy and capitalism Men) on every last one of your points; this is exactly how I needed to start my Monday AM. Now I'm getting more coffee to clickety clackety before my kids are home for another snow day tomorrow. (Also hi, this is Elisabeth S waving from Maine, my downeast snow sees your midwest snow, and also, I think my Maisie and your Minnie share a birthday? 8/14/20? Tiny fierce feral extroverted pandemmy toddlers, unite!)
ReplyDeleteHi from the snowy tundra! Minnie is 8/13-- so extroverted and fierce especially for a pandemic baby LOL
DeleteThis is an example of why I am not on social media. I don't need to see all the venty rage over things like this. Admittedly, my husband and I were annoyed that daycare was closed on Wednesday. It really did not need to be as we didn't get that much snow on Tuesday, and the snow didn't re-start until late in the day on Wednesday. But I understand that the daycare is making tricky decisions and has to balance making a decision far enough in advance, but not too far enough in advance.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have a ton of flexibility in our jobs so unexpected child care gaps are hard for us, and I felt especially bad that Phil was on his own while I was traveling for work. He works for a very small company w/ no redundancy in roles so he had a lot to tackle between having the kids home, snow removal, and work - plus one kid puked so that really made things more challenging... But I understand your frustrations and the root of all of these issues which is that our society has very little motivation/desire to support families the way they should/the way other countries do!
PUKE, TOO?!?! Omg. That really is the trifecta of terrible. Our jobs are super flexible until, they absolutely are not. Like, most of the time, I can do my own thing at my own pace, but there are some things that I must move heaven and earth to be present and prepared for-- kind of a trade off for all the autonomy. Ben's is the same. Luckily none of those things fell on our snow days, but if they did, we would have had to make some hard choices.
DeleteYES! I love snow days, too! I loved them as a kid - so much fun to have a surprise day off to play in the snow and make snow ice cream! I loved them as a teacher - go back to sleep - no school today! And I love them as a mom - extra day to stay in jammies, drink cocoa, do crafts and puzzles! I also get that as a mostly stay at home mom I am privileged to not have to worry about what to do about work on a snow day. But also one of the reasons we have set up our family this way with me being a stay at home mom is because my husband's job is not flexible, and if you're counting on school to be your main child care, you really need one parent to have a flexible job because sometimes kids get sick, and sometimes there is snow, and sometimes teachers have in service days, or sometimes there's a pandemic. And I know not everyone can make that set up work, but that is not the school's fault. People love to complain about snow days! Called one, but not early enough, called one, but shouldn't have, didn't call one but should have. What a thankless job to be the person who decides on snow days!
ReplyDelete"ut also one of the reasons we have set up our family this way with me being a stay at home mom is because my husband's job is not flexible, and if you're counting on school to be your main child care, you really need one parent to have a flexible job because sometimes kids get sick, and sometimes there is snow, and sometimes teachers have in service days, or sometimes there's a pandemic. " YES YES YES YES YES. I sort of planned my whole life around being home with the kids for all of these reasons.
DeleteI don't see a lot of rants from my friends with remote/flexible jobs, but boy do I see it from the hourly workers and I get their frustration for sure. The thing that makes me ranty is the people who complain about when the schools close in advance the night before, especially when the weather doesn't actually happen like the forecasts said it would AND THEY ALSO COMPLAIN when the schools close the morning of. I feel like the school district can't win for these people. (I think it's better to close the night before so people can have notice about childcare, but I don't have kids, so I tend to be reallllly quiet in these discussions.)
ReplyDeleteI get the frustration, too, but I think the anger should be directed NOT at schools. Like, it really sucks that we live in a culture that gives zero cares about families and refuses to see workers as connected humans.
DeleteSo many interesting points. I love your suggestions that we reframe this as extra special time with our kids home with their family! It can be hard to have a past-minute change in plans, but re-framing can go a long way to finding the positive. However, I don’t really blame society or the economy or the patriarchy for not providing childcare. Back-up childcare is a challenge for lots of families, but I don’t agree that it’s the government’s job to provide. It’s a priority to have kids’ well cared for. It’s a service WORTH spending money on or taking leave from work or trading off with neighbors or friends.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it would be interesting to know what percentage of workers don’t have paid leave or unpaid-but-permitted-leave for this type of event. Maybe the actual repercussions at work are minimal and we just need to reframe our thinking around this too.
OOOOOH-- that's an interesting place for a re-frame. Maybe the repercussions at work ARE minimal and workers and managers too can chill out a little bit-- I like it.
DeleteThe rant was well worth the wait! I also really needed the reminder that the home belongs to all who live here, not just me. Since I work from home and am alone here most of the time, I do sometimes feel like it's MINE and that people ("people" = my beloved spouse and child) are infringing on my space when they are home. Whoops! A reframe is definitely necessary!
ReplyDeleteI initially said something about kids driviing me crazy in my refrain, but that's the kind of ableist language I am really trying to avoid. So I thought a little bit about what I actually meant by driving me crazy, and it's FOR SURE the infringement on my time/quiet space during the day that bothers me. But yes! They live here too!
DeleteAh, I totally understand this! I am also in a pretty privileged situation - but I know this and acknowledge it - but wow, does the system fall apart when kids aren't at school. I know so many friends for whom it was a total disaster when schools shut down for Covid. That said, we never have snow days here, the schools are always open. I can think of one instance, back in 1998, and that is it.
ReplyDeleteSelfishly I would have loved to watch them walk to school from my snowy porch-- I like the school open policy.
DeleteThere's always been so much joy from my kids about an unexpected day off, that I've never been able to resent snow days. Even though mine are more likely to enjoy indoor rather than outdoor snow days. But also yes, snow days can pose all kinds of challenges for people living with less flexibility and more precarity--we absolutely need to do better for providing for families and family time.
ReplyDeleteSome districts in our area did virtual days and THAT would have been worth complaining about.
DeleteWhere to start? I have ALL the feelings about snow days. Sometimes they are incredible; like I can tell my kids need a break from the routine and structure of school and it's nice to just have a relaxed day at home. I am 98% sure we will have a snow day tomorrow and I'm quite happy about this since we're just getting home from vacation and it will be nice to not have a rushed morning and the kids are eager to reconnect. I also realize it will be a MAJOR inconvenience to many, many parents.
ReplyDeleteLike some other commenters, I have an extreme level of privilege. We made (and have been able to make - I realize this is often not a "choice") the decision for me to work from home flexibly. My husband has the "big" career though, when he's not away he's also quite flexible. While having kids off school is almost always inconvenient for me, I never have to scramble for backup childcare.
When I was a child snow days were rare and SUCH a treat. Honestly, I don't think they're nearly as special now because, at least where I live, they happen ALL. THE. TIME. My kids like it, but it's not thrilling to them because it's an almost weekly occurrence for us in the winter. A few years ago we had something like 17 "weather" days off and I would say at least 75% of those days had almost zero precipitation.
I also think that all school districts are different. For example, we regularly have snow days when there is...zero snow. They will cancel in advance and then my kids have no snow to play in and are home all day. This happens fairly consistently. It's hard to find a middle ground. I have enjoyed the fact our school district implemented delayed starts this year. They'll delay things by 2 hours and then reassess conditions. This also helps if we get a storm overnight that is done by morning; those 2 hours allow the roads and buses to get cleared and ready for the day.
I think delayed start or early dismissal would make a lot pf parents here so happy. Madison is just bog enough, though, that this would be a logistical nightmare, so it's an all or nothing approach.
DeleteLate to this party! We have hurricane days + not snow days here and I do not mind them esp as EVERYTHING seems to shut down (my office included) so I can just embrace them as PTO days. I only get stressed if I am behind on some work I had 'counted' on those days to have but this is a nice reminder that those days are to be savored. And (luckily down here) they are fairly rare.
ReplyDeleteand when I was little I LOVED snow days! my mom hated driving in the snow so i'm sure she was gleeful to have a reason to stay home too :) (she worked but i don't think it was hard for her to take off when needed, she worked in programming)
DeleteI also hate to drive in the snow and cancel my own class for weather without a second thought.
DeleteI live in the San Francisco Bay Area, California, and we do not have snow days. It is very uncommon for schools to be closed due to weather (I think it has happened exactly zero times in my life as a student and as a mother).
ReplyDeleteI remember during the early days of the COVID shutdown, so many very privileged parents on our local Facebook families group discussing putting pods together. One of our local private schools shut down, so I think families were paying some of those folks to tutor their children. It rubbed me the wrong way. I mean, I understand that having your kids suddenly at home is very different than homeschooling, and that schools were not really prepared for that pivot, and for some people it was crushingly difficult financially. It just felt like such a privilege to be able to throw money at this problem like that. It's not the same thing, really, but I feel this frustration often, because we live in a town that spends a lot of money on the schools, whereas the town next door spends less, and so our schools are better. Kids got a lot more support for remote learning. In general, kids get better resources and after school programs and so on. That should NOT come from special local taxes, which basically say, "I want my kid to have this, but don't give a shit about your kid, at least not enough to vote for it at the state or Federal level."
In other words, Preach it. AMEN.
"That should NOT come from special local taxes, which basically say, "I want my kid to have this, but don't give a shit about your kid, at least not enough to vote for it at the state or Federal level." YES-- it's the hypocrisy that really gets me.
DeletePREACH! Like....like, YES to everything. I loved snow days. I had massive privilege. I feel terrible for people who need to be at work and are distressed by snow days. All these arguments were also made when school was online for Covid and all your arguments were also valid then. Some teachers get mad when people don't send their kids to school when the buses are cancelled because the teachers still have to be there. Some teachers don't. I basically left my neighbourhood moms group over these arguments.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great rant! I am glad you posted it. I can imagine so many other parents understand exactly where you are coming from. I really do wish there were better options for hourly workers and people who have ACTUAL reasons to be upset when the school is closed because they HAVE to be at work. I love the idea of embracing it as a fun day for everyone to be at home because the kids are excited about it and it makes it a lot less annoying when you are, too. <3
ReplyDeleteI only need to worry about myself, so cannot relate to any mom-takes on this. But. I really appreciate your point, and your courage in sharing it. Thank you for helping me see things from a *completely* different perspective!
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