Clueless Dance Mom

 Can I just say that I do not know how to be a good dance mom?

Like, actually, in the MOM sense, I think I am a great dance mom because I do not know enough about the world of competitive dance to, like, care, um, AT ALL about the outcome at competitions. So, as a result, Dorothy and I just have a ton of fun gawking at people, genuinely enjoying watching dance, and hanging out with dance friends. We laugh while she's getting dressed at the absurd crush of bodies, million dollar dance bags with hanging racks, and pop up tents crowded in the high school gyms or hotel ballroom that are renamed "DRESSING ROOM" even though they have no mirrors or places to sit. We have so much fun with fake eye lashes and dark red lip stain and complex pony tails (DID YOU KNOW THAT A PONYTAIL CAN BE COMPLEX?), and we both love to see her all dressed up. 

Her studio absolutely DOES NOT pick sexy costumes, especially for the 12 and under crowd. Even the older girls, who wear much skimpier clothes, are dressed in SPORTY hip hop costumes with VERY EXPENSIVE shoes or in just CLASSIC jazz costumes-- you know the kind-- lovely leotards, restrained sequins, maybe even some fun feathers. Dorothy is in a huge group hip hop number where everyone wears high-necked red leotards and really awesome red pleather joggers with black Air Force Ones. She is in a darling musical theater number where they wear knee-length polka-dotted red and white rompers with their jazz shoes, and she is in another hip hop routine where they wear really baggy jogging suits and white Air Force Ones. All ADORABLE and age appropriate for sure. I would actually like her jogging suit to be less baggy. But then I am, like, horrified with myself for giving any thought to the fit of her costume because WHY DO I CARE?

Other studios, though, have no such compunction, and you would not BELIEVE what some of those kiddos wear. Five year olds in sparkle bras and high waisted bikini bottoms cut high in the back. WHY? Kindergarteners in false eye lashes?? It is VERY Toddlers and Tiaras in the dance world. 

Other parents are Very Into Dance in a way that I will probably never be because what is the point? Like, isn’t it for fun?

I will say it is INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE, and I say this as someone who generally doesn’t pay attention to money, so maybe people want a ROI?

You should see me at awards (there are so many awards ceremonies throughout the day, and they seem very arbitrary to me, but there must be categories?) because I have NO IDEA what my kid might even be up for. Like, I am standing there with my supportive mom smile rooting— but for what? I don’t have a good sense of the possible. Maybe that’s why I feel disengaged from the action? For the competition last weekend, I actually went to the organization website and read the rules, but I don’t quite get it still? Anyone a former dancer or a dance mom who has insights for me?