When I was getting my MA, I took a completely fascinating feminist media studies class with a professor who studied the public sphere but was not an intellectual snob about it. It wasn’t until I was in my PhD program, in fact, that I realized I could easily access a fully formed feminist critique of public sphere theory even as I was just being formally introduced to Habermas— through an intellectually snobby lens. But, I digress. In that class, we read The Most Beautiful Girl in the World by Sarah Banet-Weiser. The book is about beauty pageants and colonialism and introduced me to the concept of the feminine grotesque— a kind of hyper real femininity that is so overblown it can function as a critique of hegemony.
This term clicked SO HARD with me, a child who BROKE HER NOSE using a PLASTIC PICNIC TABLE as a fur coat pretending one night to be Ethel Merman’s Crabby Sister, a character I invented and loved. Thank goodness I took the Bic pen I was using as a cigarette holder out of my mouth before I stood the 4-person plastic picnic table (you know, those chunky ones that are one solid slab of plastic— this EXACT ONE in fact) on its end so it was taller than I was and put my arms between the benches, shrugging it on like I imagined Ethel’s sister would slither into her mink. (TL;DR it was super heavy and I fell on my face, unable to use my arms to break my fall because they were UNDER THE BENCHES).
All of the actresses I have loved since childhood— Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli, Rue McClanahan, Bea Arthur, Bette Midler, Candice Bergen, Catherine O’Hara, anyone who has ever played Mama Rose in Gypsy— have been a version of this kind of woman who is empowering because she is TOO MUCH and makes us realize on some level what the hyper masculine version of her is, the pressures that molded her into her over-the-top self, and why the patriarchy is lacking.
And that, my friends, is why I can reconcile my own feminist politics with having a daughter who dances. Participating in the feminine grotesque is always already (as academic snobs like to say) a critique.Do you have to be “in on the joke” to be part of the critique? Yeah, I guess so, but if we take seriously the third wave contention that feminism is just in the water like fluoride (and given the way late stage capitalism has so completely co-opted choice feminism, I would have to say we do), then on some level, we are all in on the joke.
It is feminine grotesque in the best way— an over-the-top celebration of everything traditionally feminine, with a door WIDE OPEN for ALL GENDERS to perform a critique of the patriarchy. FALSE EYE LASHES ON A TEN YEAR-OLD, a simultaneous critique and reclamation. At least, that’s how I feel.
This whole train of thought also helps me identify WHY activities like Girls on the Run drive me so bananas. Such a second-wave TERF-y impulse to identify some sort of binary “girl” culture and praise the heck out of it WHEN IT PERFORMS LIKE TRADITIONAL MASCULINITY. Yuck. So dichotomous. So complicit in upholding rigidly policed gender norms and mechanisms of patriarchal oppression. There is no joke to be in on, in other words. Same with so many other activities, of course, like swim and dive, rigidly divided into boys and girls categories-- and because these kinds of sports binaries exist EVERYWHERE, the well meaning feminist desire to raise aloft and protect girls makes sense, but is it serving larger goals of feminist movement?
TL;DR: LAST WEEK WAS PICTURE WEEK at Dorothy’s lovely dance studio. We did the traditional posed, floofy-costumed pics and also so really cool team photos.
Before the panny, dance pics happened on a single Saturday with every single dancer coming and going and changing in the studio. But then COVID happened, and people started to not like being crowded (and the studio has grown SO MUCH in the 7 years Dorothy has been dancing there because the owner is a magical unicorn of a human and a brilliant business woman). So now, it’s a whole photo week, and after they take pics, the kids perform their dances on the parking lot stage that served as a clutch recital venue in August of 2020. I only managed to get 4/5 of her dance lewks on my camera roll because it was 90; there were costume changes and fast food picnics with friends and also MINNIE.
Musical theater followed by a super fast team headshot (thank you for letting her squeeze in, you magical angel dance teachers) and then straight to softball, earrings and all.
Oh goodness - the pictures of the girls are darling! Love all the action shots of Dorothy. She looks so graceful and professional!!
ReplyDeletethank you! the whole photo shoot experience was so fun!
DeleteThank you for artfully articulating my irritation with things like Girls on the Run, Code Girls, etc. etc. I've never really been able to express my irritation so clearly. In my community, many of these "girl" programs include language in their enrollment information indicating all genders can enroll, but I've always felt that by labeling the program as "girl"-whatever, they are overtly discouraging other genders from participating.
ReplyDeleteAnd, while I have parented a "girl" for a number of years, they recently came out as non-binary, and I have become even more acutely aware of the binary world we live in. I am learning every day where my unconscious biases are, and how to be more inclusive.
Even our pool asks an immediate declaration of binary gender because you have to walk through the women's or the men's locker rooms. Exclusion everywhere!
DeleteWow - love the discussion in these comments! I also work in a male dominated field (lawyer) and after nearly 20 years in practice still battling the assumption I’m a male colleague’s assistant. Lots of work still to do just busting through traditional gender “norms” let alone being non-binary and more inclusive all together. I do question the effectiveness of the “girls” clubs and wonder if a shift in narrative would help - I.e., would more deliberate inclusive messaging, training, mentoring help move us forward where binary “girls” clubs are falling short.
DeleteAlso I love the dance pics - so much power, strength, and grace!
Ack. I don't think I agree with you on the critique of Girls on the Run and other similar organizations, but I'm the person who signed up to be in an all-woman dorm in college and really believes in the power of spaces and learning opportunities for women and girls without having to participate in the performative nature that we fall into around men and boys.
ReplyDeleteThose photos are so lovely. Make sure you tell Dorothy to enjoy a flexible back like that all she can because I'm over here seething with jealousy!! Oh, to be young again.
It's so tricky. Obviously being "gender blind" is not the way to go, but I wonder if these enclaved spaces are serving us as well as they could.
DeleteI have wondered about how you reconciled Dorothy's participation in dance with your feminist principles so thank you for articulating your thoughts behind that. I consider myself a feminist but have not had formal academic training in feminism. However, I did graduate from a heavily male-dominated college major (mechanical engineering) and worked in a male-dominated industry (manufacturing) for several years, and I find your simplistic characterization as any female-only spaces as "TERF-y" frankly offensive, when I'm guessing you have not had experiences where those spaces can be very helpful.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to suggest that people who participate in these spaces are TERF, but I do think the exclusion of trans people is the logical conclusion of the girls-only argument-- if only for the reasons Amy suggested about trans or non binary kids feeling automatically excluded by the name. In Feminism Is for Everybody, bell hooks talks about remaking the world to be inclusive and cautions against adding women to spaces men used to occupy and thinking we've solved the problem. Instead, we need to create new worlds that include us all in a democratic way. I worry about remaking exclusionary groups. But again, it's not liked we've solved gender discrimination, so we still do need safe spaces.
DeleteWell, you seem to have opened up a can of worms! I think we can all agree it's a complicated subject. The photos of Dorothy are incredible- if I had a daughter who was into dance and that good at it I'd be thrilled. I'm also happy to have my slightly awkward, musician daughter who identifies (right now) as bisexual, but still identifies as "she" at least for now... who wore a suit to eighth grade graduation but a goth dress to the dance... I have no idea what's going on anymore, but it's all good! You're a good mom and your girls are growing up healthy and happy.
ReplyDeleteGender is so complex, and I am so glad kids feel free to express themselves in ways people didn't really when I was a kid and we didn't even question the binary.
DeleteFascinating dive into the feminine grotesque! I just recently was introduced to the idea of a woman performing drag. I honestly thought until a month ago that drag was only for men. I was really interested to listen to a woman's healing experience through drag. Very fascinating indeed. This also reminded me of a chapter in a book I recently read, Fleishman is in Trouble, in which the narrator discusses the "girls rule the world" type shirts, and the whole discussion was interesting and depressing all at once. Anyway, I do appreciate this delve and I'll have to give it some more thought. I personally studied economics and at the time, there were very few women in the graduate program. It's probably different now - I got my MA in 1998 - but then I worked in a male-dominated industry. I have a lot of thoughts about my experiences, but time has changed a lot of my thinking in many different ways.
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely still men's only spaces-- and they are spaces of power. Are enclaved women's spaces the answer to them? I don't know-- still thinking this through.
DeleteOh wait, I forgot what else I was going to say! The story about you wearing a picnic table and breaking your nose. WEARING A PICNIC TABLE. That is a really remarkable image. One of my favourite things ever to see is footage of Aretha Franklin singing - I think perhaps at Obama's inauguration - Natural Woman. She's wearing this enormous fur coat, like floor length, and then near the end of the song she just shrugs it off and it puddles on the floor, and she keeps singing. WHAT A GODDESS. Anyway, I'm sure you would have shrugged off your picnic table if you could.
ReplyDeleteIt was so ridiculous. My mom still rolls her eyes when I bring it up.
DeleteI'm like Kathryn and Nicole as my field of study is very male dominated (math) and now I work in a male dominated industry (asset management). I don't have a problem w/ girls on the run, though. I kind of like that there is a space/program specifically designed for girls. I don't know enough about it, though, but I've heard good things overall and if I had girls, I'd be supportive off them participating.
ReplyDeleteEveryone I know loves it, and some of the self-esteem building stuff they do would be WONDERFUL in a die hard competitive sport like hockey-- now THAT would be transformative.
DeleteI think we can both acknowledge that for some people at some moments spaces like the female only spaces used as examples above can be helpful while also acknowledging that they can be problematic, exclusionary, and in service of reifying rigid notions of gender and subjectivity (as was my read on this post - not as a blanket indictment of them or people’s lived experiences in them, necessarily). It’s also worth thinking about why certain female only spaces are more socially and culturally acceptable, have funding, wholesale endorsement and acceptability. To me, that was what the point about these spaces potentially being TERF-y was pushing us to think about. It wasn’t about invalidating personal or individual level experiences women have had in male dominated spaces, etc.
ReplyDeletethank you fo saying that so well.
DeleteOmg, amazing pictures of Dorothy, inside and outside! OMG AMAZING PICS of Minnie!
ReplyDeleteThe picnic table story? I just cackled so loudly my husband came running to see if I was okay.
I have not heard the term "toujours déjà " for many long years, and I'm not sure I'm even smart enough to get it any more, but I really enjoyed your assessment. I am also of the opinion that I don't blame people caught in a paradigm for sometimes acting according to that paradigm, because it is FUCKING EXHAUSTING to constantly be swimming against the current, and sometimes a girl just wants to dance, dammit.
YES-- such a good point about the exhaustion.
DeleteWhat a great post! Loved the discussion, the photos, and the picnic table story!!
ReplyDeleteThe comment discussion has been so thoughtful! I cannot stop thinking about the gender blind/enclave extremes
DeleteWhat a fascinating discussion, Sarah. I have never really stopped to think about how exclusionary programs like Girls on the Run can be, since they do cater to this all-girls idea when not all people born female identify as such. Thanks for discussing such a fraught topic and I really applaud your responses here. <3
ReplyDeleteAlso, those pictures of Dorothy. WHAT. Amazing!
It's a tricky subject... to be feminist and support gender equality and at the same time encouraging very "gender-dominated" hobbies. We have a long way to go still.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that: the dance photos are gorgeous. Dorothy looks absolutely wonderful in those poses.
This post is so interesting (and informative, thank you) and the discussion is even more interesting. I confess - I have not explored feminism and feminist theory to the extent that I should. (Side question: good books on feminism for those who are more ignorant than they like to admit? Any recommendations?)
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, I do hear what you're saying about the feminine grotesque and your perspective. I do have issues with the constant focus on the binary, and would prefer to see teams aligned with skills, or level of expertise. But that's my perspective, and it's informed by my own education and experiences. Anyway too longwinded, but thank you for sharing.
AND thank you for sharing those photos. Dorothy is amazingly skilled (says the person who flunked her first year of ballet...).