Good news: Ben got an AWESOME WONDERFUL EXCITING new job, and we are so proud of him and happy for him and cannot even wait for him to start because he is going to LOVE IT and welcome the professional challenge.
Bad news: My already out-of-balance work.life balance is going to get EVEN MORE WOBBLY, and I am not sure how much room I have left to stretch.
Or! Is the bad news that I am a selfish asshole who can and IS looking this gift horse in the mouth? HARD TO SAY.
(Minnie will go to preschool more starting mid-November, and this is going to be amazing for her and for me.)
IT IS ALL GOING TO BE OK.
Better than ok! Fantastic, actually. Ben will be in the office 5 days a week with an hour commute— very pre-panny for sure, but IT REALLY IS GOOD NEWS.
And!! No need to freak out about not having a routine yet because it is all getting smashed to pieces next month.
"I had this whole, tortuous thing written about exactly how I spend my time between work and childcare and house stuff and being a sportsball taxi, but it was... not helpful. Helpful for me to write but not for other people to read" I would love to read it.
ReplyDeleteToo fast with fingers, pressed publish too soon. Congratulations to Ben! It will all be a OKAY
Deletethanks! I think it will be once we get over the initial hump!
DeleteCongratulations to Ben and your family! Sounds like it will come with some perks like freedom to do the podcast again :).
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and will for sure figure out a way to make it all work. (If the new thing comes with extra $$ would outsourcing some of the sportsball taxi work be a possibility?)
No-- I get how that would be awesome, but it's not really feasible beyond doing more to schedule carpools. And making sure both boy drivers have cars ASAP. Which we will do for sure!!! We ARE going to outsource more house stuff, which will help with overall breathing room
DeleteDefinitely echo the outsourcing of some of the "taxi" responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteYour family has two big careers, five kids who are really involved, and an active family life. I don't know how the math would ever work out to be not overwhelming (sorry, I can barely cope with two kids and only one big career in our fam)...but I think getting more outside help could be a major source of relief? What are the biggest pain points and what do you NOT want someone else to do. I suspect your answer would be that you want to do it all because you love the cooking and cleaning and watching all the sports etc (I get this - I have the same struggle of wanting to do IT ALL)...but what would you most like to offload? Can you find someone to help. Can you get a mother's helper from the neighbourhood to come play with Minnie while you cook? Or have a cleaner come in every week to do a deep clean and all the sheets?
Just some thoughts - I am horrible at outsourcing, so it's kinda shameful I'm suggesting it here - haha.
the taxi thing is not outsource-able, it turns out. anyone who would accept a job to drive the kids for such few hours at such oddball times is maybe not... someone I would want driving my kids around, if that makes sense. It actually probably doesn't make sense if you don't have tween in high-needs sports. We have thought about it from many different angles, and that service is not something that exists-- not trying to be a martyr.
DeleteIt's also really hard because people who are say mother's helper age are probably either my own kids (LOL) or also in activities. YES on more house help for inside and for the yard-- we are on it.
DeleteMinnie is at a great age for more preschool care so I would lean into that as much as you can. My kids have thrived in daycare and I do not feel guilty about the time they spend there because it allows us to do jobs we love and they learn so much and have made such wonderful friends. That is exciting that Ben has a new job that he is super excited about, though! Hopefully you'll find ways to outsource things to make life more sustainable for everyone! Phil and I both work in the same industry and both have what I'd call "big jobs." I travel quite a bit now so he ends up doing more solo parenting but outside of that, I feel like we have a pretty equitable marriage which I am incredibly grateful for. But we took a different path of outsourcing daycare from the get go so we could both pursue careers we love and are passionate about. There's no right decision, though! I just fear you will run yourself into the ground with a demanding job, lots of taxi'ing, and all the demands of keeping a house going!
ReplyDeleteIt's really complicated for us because of the other kids. Like, yes, I need Minnie to be at preschool so I can teach my class, but then once the big kid school day is over, she might as well ride along on our eleventy million after school trips. you know? The high schoolers do their own thing (and H is a great babysitter when needed), but 5th and 6th grade is prime club sport age, so those 2 are committed after about 4pm.
DeleteA 3 year old on eleventy million car trips sounds…awful. Imagine if you could spend your time at sports ball catching up on work/reading/chilling out while your toddler is enjoying her friends and activities at school. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not a watching thing. It’s like a pick a kid up at school, drop another kid off, drop the kid you just picked up off, go home and eat dinner with your other 2 kids kind of route LOL. Sometimes we do the dance pick up early because she loves watching her sister’s class and being adored by all the lobby kids. Minnie is not the problem. It’s the other 4 kids who need a parent SIMULTANEOUSLY even though they are going DIFFERENT PLACES. But! We chose these commitments, and the kids love what they do.
DeleteI should note too that school gets out late here (4:10 pm), so we are talking evening, not trad school hours)
DeleteCongratulations to Ben! And to your family! But I totally understand how change -- even really good change -- can be difficult, especially if it requires rejigging your routine. And you already do SO MUCH, so I feel like a change that adds to that could result in a lot of growing pains. I hope you find a schedule that works for you all and doesn't make you crazy, and in the meantime, please complain away.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I love reading about the day-to-day logistics of other people, so count mine as another vote for reading your deleted post.
Thanks! I think it is going to be awesome for all. I am just already grumpy as future me who will solo parent a lot and then also solo parent at night while Ben does the activity pick ups.
DeleteYay for new jobs! I totally get though that sometimes a good thing still comes with hard things
ReplyDeleteyesssssssss
DeleteWooooooooofffff that sounds like a lot. It sounds like a LOT, Sarah, and you are someone who I thought had a lot on the go before. So...I would imagine there would be many mixed feelings about this for sure. But congrats on the new job, which sounds like a big awesome plus! Also - you have a podcast?
ReplyDeletewe used to!! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/poty-the-podcast-for-parents-of-the-year/id1220267585
DeleteYay for a new job! I hope it goes well and who knows? Maybe it will somehow magically help with the scheduling.
ReplyDeletean excellent point-- my schedule has NOT been working
DeleteCongrats to Ben! Definitely a lot of stress coming y'alls way while you adjust, but you'll get through - just like everything else before.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of pre-panny, I remember the pod from back when... I had a 1 hour+ commute each way and no kids !! What a time.
-Kristen