Ok, first of all, 2024 has ONLY 20 FRIDAYS LEFT. I know it is the ultimate middle-aged cliche to say this, but this year is flying by. Ope. Doncha know.
In toxic self-talk news, here are some trains of thought I need to abandon ASAP:
1. Any thoughts about the 2024 dance team schedule and what it might say about my worth as a mother. Dorothy’s studio does this thing where they release the schedule before they post team placements so that rec class sign up can happen, and all of the dance moms start whispering and texting about what the team classes on the schedule mean for kids’ placements. It is exhausting and also dumb. And yet! I get swept up in it every year. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? (Also, there is a Dance Moms reboot on TV right now, so obvi I am not the only one who gets obsessed.) Bottom line: Dorothy has had an awesome, fun summer at tryouts, and she loves the dance season. It does not matter what teams she makes. All I have to do is write the check and put the dates in my calendar— THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME TO STRESS OUT ABOUT.
2. The absolutely bananas conversations about what to buy for kids’ dorm rooms that are ALL OVER MY ALGOS. I made an Amazon cart of things that really do look helpful, but the amount of stuff people are buying for their kids’ rooms is astounding. Come and Get It made fun of this quite a bit, so shout out to that book for keeping me away from the worst of it. These room are TINY and are shared by 2 FULL SIZE humans. I think the key is to bring LESS STUFF, not MORE STUFF aimed at organizing the stuff, especially when the kids are probably just going to toss all their stuff all the hell over anyway. The shelves and boxes and hanging racks that people have worked themselves into a lather about— my goodness! I get it— people want to have some control over their kid’s life in another place, but, like, all the shoe organizers in the world are not going to help with that.
3. Telling myself I do not have time to write (besides posts for this blog). OF COURSE I DO, especially if the hours I waste on my phone are any indication. I tried to jump on the 24 for 24 bandwagon this year, and my IG highlight has 3 pictures. Erm. I tried to write creatively three times between January and February and then forgot all about it. This is something I really want to work on— both carving out time to write and admitting to myself that I want to do it. Hashtag can’t fail if you never try, amiright.
4. The idea that birthday party packages at kid-centered birthday hellscape places are too expensive. Ben and I did this AGAIN for Minnie’s upcoming 4th bday bash. We saw the price for a trampoline park and were like that is such a rip off— we will just invite her friends to the pool. But! By the time we buy pizza and cake and snacks and drinks and party favors and decorations for the tent and a piñata and all the things, it is JUST AS EXPENSIVE (maybe more when we pay pool guest fees) than the party place would have been and more work. I swear to you, for the rest of her bday parties, I will just buy the party package and stop overthinking it. Those places are always so easy— you just walk in and the room is decorated and the food just comes to you and the favor bags are already made. All you have to bring is the bday kid and a cake. I SHOULD KNOW THIS. IT IS NOT MY FIRST RODEO. She did say wistfully as we were leaving Party City and Target, “I wish I got a party favor” because the stuff she picked (leis! Bubbles! Chalk! Candy!) looked so fun, and I was like YOU DID, MINNIE because this is my 5th 4th bday party, and I know what is up. In that one area, at least. (Ben was all, oh it’s not really any more work to have the party at the pool FROM HIS SILENT OFFICE 250 MILES AWAY, and my head exploded, especially when I thought about how I made the party itself 3 hours long, spanning two adult swims.)
5. Thinking I should just finish a book I don’t really like because I have already put so much time into it and then reading nothing because I don’t want to read my book because I don’t like it and just scrolling on my phone instead and getting anxious because the world is precarious and snapping at my family because of existential dread. That one is self-explanatory.
Minnie LOVED picking out party stuff. She settled on a theme of butterfly rainbow sparkle unicorn princess, and wait until the balloons get delivered— they really tie it all together.
I can really get on board with the "butterfly rainbow sparkle unicorn princess" theme, in fact, maybe we could make that the theme of our lives? Idk it sounds pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI hear you especially on the book thing. I finally ditched a shitty book that I was just not into, why is it so hard for me to DNF?
Once I went to a kid-centric birthday party place, there was no going back. I did that until my kids became teenagers and planned their own parties.
Hee hee- I like Minnie's party theme!
ReplyDeleteHave you actually seen Harry's future dorm room? I ask this because, my son's freshman year we decided to drive to Texas so that we could bring everything we needed, and not have to run around shopping when we got there. But once we got there and saw the room we realized we did need some different things, and ended up running all over, to Bed Bath and Beyond and Brandsmart anyway. Just something to keep in mind.
I also set out to do 24 for 24 (well, I started in February, long story) and was doing great with it for a while, until I suddenly stopped for no reason, and can't seem to get back to it. Sigh.
We paid a fee to go up a week early and drop stuff off in the room (you can’t set up then but you can drop and run), so we will see things in the flesh then and figure out those extra things. He will bring a futon for under the loft and we’ll need to buy that there, etc
DeleteWe have not done the party place-hosted type of party yet, but Paul has only had 3 bday parties (our rule is no friend parties until you are 5) and both were so low key (one was at a park with donuts, for the other he invited 5 friends over and they put a lego set together). But eventually we will probably go the route of the party place but dang it is expensive and I just have a hard time justifying spending that much on a party for a small child!
ReplyDeleteThe mom energy around dance sounds rough... I don't do well with those sorts of environments. Nor could I bring myself to watch dance moms because again - that kind of energy stresses me the heck out. I feel like a lot of parents are like trying to relive their youth through their child's activities? It is very mind boggling to me. I'm so pragmatic so my thought is - what is the end goal here? Are we trying to get a dance scholarship at college? Is the goal to have have fun and be active? What are we solving for here? I know of a family whose daughter skates probably 6 days a week and has a stretch coach and a strength coach and ay yi yi. I want to ask if their goal is to go to the olympics because it all just sounds so very intense!
YES-- I think this is the right question to ask. That's why Coop is not playing hockey this year-- he doesn't even want to play in high school, so the risk of injury in middle school (when they start checking) is not worth it.
DeleteI rarely DNF a book. Why do I feel guilty about calling it quits? I don't read nearly as many books as you, so I best move on to the next one rather than waste my time.
ReplyDeleteDang, kids b-day parties require so much energy and money. We only did a few kid parties for each kid and opted to do something special on the years we didn't throw a kid party. I feel a tad guilty at times that we didn't go all out, but I think since we set the bar low, their bdays when they're older will seem awesome.
We are pretty bare bones when it comes to dorm rooms, but it always kills me when I buy something like an over the door set of hooks that then doesn't fit over the door. Oops. Thankfully if we figure out a need, we have Amazon to deliver it the next day. Mini is 100% camp - throw everything everywhere, don't bother with organization systems.
I cringe at the dance mom thing. There were always moms whispering about which ceili (group) team each kid was put on and whether or not they deserved to be there. It was so unpleasant. I don't envy you that. I hope Dorothy is excited for whatever teams she lands on. By the sound of it, I'm sure she will be.
I intend to set aside a few hours each day to write. Summer is my time away from work. Writing rarely happens and I find it so frustrating. Summer is always so full, plus all the kids are technically off and I want to enjoy hanging with them. It's tough to balance. If you figure it out let me know. ;)
The pics of Minnie playing with her party decor are super cute.
SUMMER IS SO BUSY. I am ready for that new for sure.
DeleteI agree that students is in dorms should bring less, not more. You have to haul all the stuff up and then out again - it gets tiresome after the first kid or two. I told my latest college student she could have 4 storage tubs, a backpack, and a carry-on luggage. And that was it. She still managed to add more stuff thourgh the school year, but it made move out bearable. We did buy a cart/dolly to help with all the moves we've done - some schools don't provide carts on move in day. It is nice that many school put floor plans of the dorm rooms online so people can figure out realistic needs.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't let the sunk cost fallacy get you - just discard the book and move on to something fun.
OOOOH this is a good idea re: limiting the stuff to containers I can actually move...
DeleteWe once ended up having a Monkey-Meatball party and then I found pajamas WITH MONKEYS AND MEATBALLS on them!
ReplyDeleteI am SO with you on the party somewhere else. Took me a while to figure out too, but it is abundantly worth it, especially since I was always so bad for buying stuff that MIGHT be good for the party and not using it.
Oh Sarah, you would cry laughing at the mountain of stuff I bought for Angus's first dorm bed. I was upsold by a canny Bed Bath and Beyond employee, and if we had used it all he would have literally been the Princess and the Pea. Fortunately it was all returnable. You are right - all the shoe racks in the world will not solve this problem.
MONKEY MEATBALLS this is GENIUS.
DeleteWe're a huge fan of the playground birthday party. Just go to the playground with your kid and a bunch of mini cupcakes (and a roll of paper towels). Tell your kids' friends and include anyone else who might be there at the same time. Best thing about this kind of party is it also works on a weekday night. Really only takes <1 hour of prep and kids love the playground.
ReplyDeleteyessssss-- this is GENIUS.
Delete#2 and #5! I guess I really do have to read _Come and Get It_ --now that you and Nicole have both mentioned it on the same day! And avoiding reading because the current book isn't good (or maybe unpleasant?) is a place I've been in too many times. The thing is, I've recognized this, but don't always catch myself when I'm falling into that pattern.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're able to make time to write for yourself!
It;s a good book-- these young writers these days and their grasp of socio-economics and skewering of capitalism-- love it!
DeleteBest birthday party theme EVER. (My favorite of my kid's birthday themes was the rainbow leopard year. It was like Lisa Frank exploded all over my house.)
ReplyDeleteYES, number 5 is so relatable. Also #4, because it is so true. The packaged party is so much less work!!!!!
Oh I love Lisa Frank-- I tried to talk both girls into Lisa Frank crocs at Nordstrom Rack to no avail
Delete5! Yes, sigh. 5.
ReplyDeleteThe pictures of Minnie with her pinata remind me of my daughter and a unicorn pinata. It was my husband's company party, and they had a unicorn pinata for the kids. All was well until the kids started beating on it, and then she SOBBED and her nose was running she was crying so hard and it was AWFUL and she had to bring the poor broken pinata home and keep it for something like 3 years. She is vegetarian, for obvious reasons. The next year, the pinata was NOT animal themed. It may have been a number. I hope she and her friends are made of stout hearts and don't let it get them.
Oh, and I really liked Come and Get It too! And thinking about dorm rooms...the thing about the world in which we live is that if it turns out they could really use a shoe organizer, you can buy one and have it delivered. Going with a minimalist vibe to start is probably a great idea.
Deleteoh my gosh! the pinata story! I feel that that is such a healthier response than Minnie's-- she loved the pinata at home and then happily beat the shit out of it **yikes face**
DeleteI resonate with that! I will be like this will be less expensive and every single time it is not.
ReplyDeleteEVERY SINGLE TIME
DeleteI want words to describe certain situations.
ReplyDelete1) Thinking I should just finish a book I don’t really like because I have already put so much time into it and then reading nothing because I don’t want to read my book because I don’t like it and just scrolling on my phone instead. What should we call this?
2) You have nothing to read and then all your new releases come in at the same time and then you have too many books to read. What is this called?
3) You have not read your library books, but you have maxed out your holds and now ten of your holds just came in. What's our word for this?
These are readerly dilemmas.
And! Maybe if we had words for them, we would change our behaviors?
DeleteGah, I hate that feeling of going back and forth on whether or not to finish a book, especially when you've put so much time and effort. At that point, sometimes I just hate-read to the end so I can give it a bad review, lolz.
ReplyDeleteI'm always astounded at how expensive kid's birthday parties are! My brother/SIL always did my nephews' birthday parties at those party centers because it was just so much easier! And they often have Black Friday sales, lol, so it worked out really well for them. "Sorry, X place was doing a 2-for-1 so everyone is having their birthday party next year there!!!"
hahahahaha-- that's really funny re: black Friday party deals
DeleteOoh, Sarah! If the idea works for you, maybe we could figure out some way to hold each other accountable for writing? I cannot get off my butt and write the d*** manuscripts. It's like I have some kind of weird writer's block where, after doing this for a (really really really) long time, I suddenly...can't? So I have nothing to offer for birthday parties (but omg, save yourself the trouble and do the party place or the playground next year...) or the activities (dance mom stuff sounds...ugh), but I can offer something for writing if you're interested. :)
ReplyDelete