Now that my anxiety flare is largely behind me (TWO NIGHTS OF NOT SLEEPING, much assuming I was suffering from something new and fatal, lots of just being an asshole to everyone around me), can I just say ANXIETY IS WILD.
I adore Stephany’s post about panic attacks because her description is SO GOOD. Like, you know that your feelings and thoughts are not accurate, but you absolutely cannot stop them. EVEN KNOWING that it is a garbage thought train coming straight for you,YOU CANNOT HELP BUT JUMP ON. Or jump in front of it maybe is more accurate?
I am on a not fucking around antibiotic, and it gradually gave me really awful nausea and headaches and a bit of dizziness. But! The onset of all of these things was gradual, especially since I was expecting an upset stomach because that’s usually how antibiotics work for me. Anyway, the other day, my nausea and headaches really ramped up and I honest to god immediately diagnosed myself with a brain tumor and started, like, imagining how I would tell the kids and get through my diagnostic MRI with my claustrophobia. WHAT THE FUCK, BRAIN?
And the truly shitty thing is that I BELIEVED THIS REALITY.
I was like OMG I feel queasy when I am reading with my glasses on. The tumor must be pushing on my optic nerve and my vision is getting worse! OMG I feel nauseous in the morning. THIS IS CLEARLY BRAIN CANCER. OMG my head hurts so bad I have to take Tylenol for literally the third time in 3 years (I almost never take pills of any kind) THIS MUST BE THE END.
Anyway, like a switch being flipped, I feel better (anxiety-wise— I just took my last abx dose today, so still feel a little queasy), and it’s SO WEIRD. Like, clearly, anxiety is a chemical thing not just a mind-over-matter situation.
Last week, when I was feeling really jittery and anxious, I was so worried that my acupuncturist left the room to call 9-1-1 because my pulse was so fast (PULSES UNREMARKABLE. SHE WAS GETTING A POST-IT TO PUT ON MY SHIRT TO REMEMBER TO TAKE THE NEEDLE OUT OF MY CHEST). And then at the end, after she took the needles out, she pressed on my wrists, and I was like OMG ARE MY PULSES OK (acupuncture says pulses, not pulse **shrug**), and she was like IDK, I am just wiping a little blood. But I was already PANICKING in both of these situations. What the hell? Also, you guys, speaking of panic: Can you imagine leaving the clinic and going on your merry little way and then, like, happening to glance down at yourself only to see a NEEDLE STICKING OUT OF YOUR CHEST?! Thank goodness she left for a post-it.
ANYWAY. I talked to my doctor today and got some meds that I can take when I feel too freaked out. And also Xanax for the big stuff. And! I am starting talk therapy, too. NOT THE ESTROGEN BATH I WAS HOPING FOR, but good, I think.
Other things:
Dance szn:
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ReplyDeleteYes to all of this. I admired Stephany's courage so much and love that bloggers in our circle are standing up to normalize mental health challenges. They are real. They are often chemical. And they dramatically impact our lives.
ReplyDeleteMinnie looks like a living doll in those shoes and dress.
Your kids are adorable.
ReplyDeleteI feel this post so deeply. So glad your flare is over and that you and your doctor have a plan. <3 <3 <3
Goodness, I just read Stephany's post and then came over here and I am just so sorry the two of you are IN it right now. It sounds absolutely dreadful and I'm so sorry. xo
ReplyDeletesending ♥️! i'm glad you went in to get some support!!! Have done my own share of spiraling lately - 100% get it.
ReplyDeleteCounseling for Anxiety
ReplyDeleteIs anxiety taking over your life? Does it feel like you can’t control it no matter how hard you try? Have you already tried therapy but found it ineffective?
If this sounds like you, I’m confident I can help. My practice offers the most effective forms of treatment, to get the relief from anxiety that you deserve.
When it comes to treating anxiety disorders, research shows that therapy is usually the most effective option. That’s because anxiety therapy – as opposed to anxiety medication – treats more than just symptoms to the problem.
Oh, no. I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. Talk therapy is a great thing, IMO. I hope that helps. Plus the right meds can do wonders. I weened myself off of my antidepressant which was why I started the low FODMAP diet. I wanted to see if I could go back to life and just deal with the issue thru diet. So, yeah - I only slept about 4 hours last night. I keep telling myself that this is just one night. If not, I can go back on the meds and just start eating whatever, minus gluten. Good luck and I'm really glad you didn't drive away with a needle sticking out of your chest.
ReplyDeleteUgh I am sorry you've been in a rough stretch. You have a lot going on with Harry off to college and Ben gone several days of the week for work plus all the other things moms of big households manage. I have been on lexipro for over 10 years and it is a GODSEND. I tried to go off it once which was really stupid because it's not like I have any plans to go off my RA meds and yet I felt like I shouldn't NEED the anxiety meds. But like Elisabeth said above - it's often chemical. I can't heal myself of RA and I can't really heal myself of anxiety. It's how I am built. Talk therapy definitely helps. I have a wonderful therapist but she is out of network so it's SO EXPENSIVE to see her so I don't see her often but I should probably get back on her cal for a tune up session.
ReplyDeleteThis antibiotic sounds TERRIBLE. I hope whatever you are using it to treat heals up and you can go back to your normal levels of stress and anxiety.
ReplyDelete