I took the most beautiful walk at work the other day. I was on campus for HOURS and had a bunch of solitary tasks to complete. I set timers to do pomodoros, but I needed to get out of my office for awhile, and it was hard to pass up 78 and sunny.
It was lovely especially because I have been feeling very anxious lately for no reason. Like, al of the sudden out of nowhere, my stomach feels like I am on a roller coaster. I think I have been too long without acupuncture and massage. I kept rescheduling appointments as I ran out of time to juggle everything with limited Minnie care after her camp ended. So! Last week I had an awesome massage (trigger points— a style I do not usually like a ton because I am looking for more relaxation BUT this one was incredible, and I could feel the tension leaving my muscles. I expected my neck and shoulders and right hip to feel tense and need release, but even my ARMS were tense, apparently because feeling the muscles let go was wonderful), and this week I see my acupuncturist. And I have appointments scheduled through the end of the year. THAT I WILL KEEP, DAMNIT.
This morning, I decided to reframe the anxiety as EXTRA ENERGY, and so far, my brain is liking that frame, and I got in an extra 1/4 mile in my usual time on the elliptical, even though I had a dream that I was having a heart attack and woke up with a pounding heart and another large chunk of my brain pretty sure that’s happening in real life and why I feel anxious. ANXIETY. YOU ARE THE WORST.
We went to the Pekin Marigold Festival on Saturday, and it was an absolutely delight. We hung out with my best friend since FIRST GRADE and one of her delightful daughters and friend. 10/10 would recommend and will be back next year!
Ice cream at our favorite place:
Filthy carnival rides:
MISS MARIGOLD!!!! (I was Miss Marigold in 1996, and it was the highlight of my life up that point— I always wanted to be the girl in the crown and the sash at the Fest and parade, and I WAS, so I was over the moon when Minnie wanted to meet the current Miss M)
Downtown Pekin has this lovely marigold mural as part of its Juneteenth memorial, and it was the closest I got to taking a picture of the actual parade.
Ice cream hilarity (Minnie had so much fun sitting with the big girls)
Stunting
Oh, Dorothy
Hijinks
If there is one thing I love more than a dirty carnival midway
It is a dirty carnival midway that has limited no smoking areas
Listen, I took a lot of pictures at the ice cream place, OK???
Us again
More stunting
Little marigolds (and
Everett Dirksen, Pekin’s favorite senator).
Hi! I’m a random PCP who follows along with you but I’ve never commented. Just wanted to mention that you’re prob right and you’re having an anxious flare (you have a lot going on!) but if you have a pounding heart and no clear reason to suddenly be more anxious, I’d consider a visit to a doc! Not medical advice, just one mom to another :)
ReplyDeletethanks for this :) I saw a provider about something unrelated this week and mentioned it, and she listened to me, etc. I also messaged my own doc about it because I think what I would very much like is JUST SOME FREAKING ESTROGEN PLEASE.
DeleteI need to know so much more about being Miss Marigold 1996. I need to know literally everything. Is this a pageant? How does this work? Is this where you lived? What is this Marigold festival? I NEED SO MUCH MORE INFORMATION.
ReplyDeleteI am a bit anxious right now but there is a pinpoint reason - our resident bear(s) (mom and THREE cubs) - are getting ready for winter and so are very much "en evidence" and this morning I see they had gone through our recycling bin. I can see big claw marks along the bin and it makes me very, very worried on Rex's behalf. We don't have a fence and he's good with boundaries BUT THE BEARS ARE NOT. Probably this coffee is not helping my stress.
OH MY GOSH. I would also be FREAKED OUT about bears
DeleteI am with Nicole - I need to know more about Ms. Marigold and I WANT PICTURES!!!
ReplyDeleteStress is so complicated and I'm so sorry it has been wreaking havoc. Between your hectic schedule and fluctuating hormones, of course things feel overwhelming. So gold stars for fitting in walks and taking time out for some care (massages are THE BEST in my opinion). Though I'd also keep a close eye on the pounding heart as Anon mentioned above - always better to be on the cautious side of things where heart health is involved?!
I was a long time ago! I don't have digital pics-- will see if I can find some newspaper ones.
DeleteI'm also curious about Ms. Marigold 1996. So fun. Love the meet up with a bestie since 1st grade. The surroundings for your work place walk is amazing. I toured U of Wisconsin with Ed years ago and the campus was really pretty.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the anxiety. I've been having night terrors for months. Unsettling. I can sometimes convince myself all is well, otherwise - no more sleep. I wake up feeling like I'm on a roller coaster with my stomach dropping and gasping for breath. I'm trying to figure out what triggers it. RX? Alcohol? (ruled that out) I hope you find a balance and that these feeling fade as the school year/fall follows more of a routine. Pics of everyone enjoying ice cream are sweet.
I am so glad you said this because it made me remember the HORRIBLE DREAM I had which is the reaosn I could not sleep last night-- which is so much better than just randomly not being able to sleep
DeleteYOU WERE MISS MARIGOLD OMG how do you not lead with this in every interaction?? We have a tulip festival here, but it's a little more understated, which I now see is absolute bullshit and I'm going to campaign for a Miss Tulip.
ReplyDeleteThe first year Angus was away I was anxious for the whole fall feeling like something was missing - and duh, it was a whole-ass member of the family. Good to get back to the self-care, even though it must be really really really hard to fit it in.
I DO THINK IT'S BECAUSE HARRY IS GONE!!
DeleteI've been having anxiety flares and waking up with that heart-pounding, sinking feeling too--I'm sorry you're having similar things happen. Glad you're back on the schedule for acupressure--you recommended it, and I haven't followed up on that yet... but I should!
ReplyDeleteIf I remember right, you have a poem somewhere about being the pageant princess... no?
The kid going to college thing is a total mindf**k in my opinion. I was just fine at dropoff freshman year. But the first time she came home for a visit and left again, I was a wreck for a few days. Same this 2nd year - fine at move-in, first visit after was a trigger for some anxiety and emotions. So weird because I am objectively so happy/proud/excited for her but the body keeps the score in a different way. Also, if you are serious about hormones, I've heard great things about Joi Women's Wellness (online, can order tests and meds in most states) if your PCP is unresponsive/unhelpful. So many docs brush off the hormonal stuff because is truly is a natural thing but that doesn't mean we should have to suffer if there's help available.
ReplyDeleteSarah - I am so sorry you have been feeling anxious - it is no fun! But as a reader of your blog, I have to take issue with you saying you've been feeling very anxious lately for "no reason" - as an outsider you have a lot going on that would make anyone anxious - firstborn at college (me too), husband working elsewhere, kids at multiple schools with multiple start times and many many extracurriculars which you are managing mainly by yourself, a job, a blog, traffic/commute issues, plus all the normal day to day life stuff. So I disagree with your characterization that it is for no reason, but I absolutely sympathize with you and hope you get some relief soon! xoxo
ReplyDeleteUGH on the anxiety and yeah, I think you're going through a lot right now, and having Harry and Ben both gone so much of the time has to be ROUGH. Plus the hormones. I don't really suffer from anxiety, but I do remember when I was in peri menopause sometimes having a racing heart. SO DUMB. I wish we lived next door, we could share custody of a dog. Would that help? Probably not even a little bit.
ReplyDeleteYou have so much on your plate, friend! It's no wonder you're going through these anxious moments. Harry is away at college for the first time, you're on your own with the kids and work and extracurriculars while Ben is away, and all of that is enough to make anyone have some moments of anxiety! I'm glad you're noticing it and have a plan that will hopefully help. I hope you can also recognize that you are doing a LOT. <3
ReplyDelete