1. First of all, preschoolers are impossible to decipher when it comes to stocking snacks. Do they like bananas? Are bananas offensive? DEPENDS ON THE DAY, but you BETTER HAVE BANANAS JUST IN CASE. (And, as parents of preschoolers can attest, "banana" could be ANY FOOD. Their snack loves run hot. And then very, very cold.)
Raw cookie dough is always a good snack because preschoolers are risk takers.
Donuts generally work well, too.
2. Second, preschoolers can be AWESOME or TERRIBLE, sometimes in the course of the VERY SAME ERRAND, and there is no controlling for either state. IT IS NOT YOU. IT IS THEM. Please never judge parents suitcasing a screaming child out of a crowded Sunday afternoon Kroger. Believe me, they didn't see the eruption coming until they were covered in emotional lava. One minute, their kid was happily trotting alongside the cart chattering away about favorite colors and the next moment that same kid had death dropped to the filthy tile because they glimpsed the store-lobby Starbucks down the aisle and were denied a cake pop. IT HAPPENED IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. Similarly, don't think the parent of the chubby little angel happily holding onto their hand and counting to one hundred has it all figured out. That preschooler is just biding their time waiting to turn into a pint-sized Medusa the moment their parents let their guard down. NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
She got tired of me trying to get a cute IG pic of her at the donut store and took my picture instead
3. Just when you think you have met all of your preschooler's needs and can maybe do something for yourself like fold a load of laundry, THINK AGAIN because that is the precise second your preschooler will need all of your attention to perform a task for them that they are MORE THAN CAPABLE of performing themselves.
4. Fourth, preschoolers are SO GOOD at delivering the MOST SAVAGE take down. Like when they suggest they will be Moana for Halloween and you can be Moana's grandma. Sometimes, though, they say something unbelievably snarky to your spouse, and that's pretty great. For example, maybe their dad forgot to bring a snack to preschool pick up. If their MOM did this, the preschooler would lose their shit. But their dad did it, and they were totally fine. When you ask why, they tell you sweetly, "It's ok. I had low expectations." SAVAGE.
5. Despite being the most maddening creatures maybe ever to have existed, preschoolers are also the sweetest little animals in the world. They smell great! They're still pudgy like babies! They say weird big people things! Sometimes they have garlic breath! They are irresistable! (Until they are again suddenly terrible which is when you realize resistance is futile).
I don't miss that stage but, also, I MISS THAT STAGE.
ReplyDeleteIt is a wild ride, living in the same house as a preschooler but it looks like you're having a great time along the way <3
Oh yes, preschoolers are a wild ride. Maybe a bit less wild than toddlers? Our meltdowns tend to happen when we are leaving the park. Transitions are very very hard. I have to laugh at her low expectations comment about dad, though!
ReplyDelete"Low expectations!" Wow, that is quite a burn. I get such a kick out of Minnie's exploits! She seems like such a firecracker. We STILL have the banana issue. With all foods, including bananas. I just bought bananas for the first time in months and my kid ate THREE IN ONE GO. The remaining banana is going to shrivel up and die on my counter though, I'm sure of it.
ReplyDeleteI had low expectations! Let's give it up for the parents of the preschooler who has a vocabulary like that! Used correctly and everything!
ReplyDeleteHow delicious it must be to have that toddler in your day-home-heart!
ReplyDeleteOh, how I miss that age. I used to volunteer in m y daughter's preschool class and it was always a blast. They're fun, self-propelled (mostly, unless they're having a tantrum) , and find the world around them so interesting and new. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteDid she REALLY SAY I had low expectations? That is killer!
ReplyDeleteI can't even fathom getting to have preschooler energy and college energy at the same time. I mean, I think I would die, but also I am very envious. They are so delicious! Even their armpits are cute!
Today my preschooler had a meltdown when I picked her up mere minutes after lunch because I haven't brought a snack. I was like, I saw you eating when I came into your class, you can't be that hungry. She disagreed...
ReplyDeleteYour description is shifting preschooler emotions was spot on! I actually loled.
Lol, preschoolers are totally bananas and I love it! Also, my god, I would never judge another parent, not at any stage but particularly not at the "screaming and having to be carried out" stage.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Moana's grandma.
ReplyDeleteReal talk, though, Moana's grandma could get it.
DeleteI think Minnie looks so much like Dorothy in the pic with you where she'd wearing the tie dye pink top. Too cute. She's a riot. Low expectations indeed. And Moana's grandma - ouch. I agree, preschoolers are risktakers. Why do they need to prove they can jump off of every high platform at the park?
ReplyDeleteThis is too much! My brother often says that you really do have to have high self-esteem to have kids. My nephews (16 and 9) are still savage, lol.
ReplyDelete