The urgent care doc-- and his nurse-- both urged me to use a neti pot twice a day to rinse my sinuses. Today was the first time I tried it because my sinuses have been completely and totally clogged for the past 6 days and also neti pots freak me out. I used it, though, because I HAVE BEEN A FULL TIME MOUTH BREATHER.
One nostril worked great, but the other one DID NOT DRAIN and there is a tiny teapot of water lodged in my sinuses. My face is beyond puffy, and it is very much freaking me out and validating all my neti pot feels.
BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. I CAN BREATH WITH MY MOUTH CLOSED. It feels miraculous. (Also I am sure a parasite is eating my brain right now even though I used distilled water).
I am so angry at anti-vaxxers and our lost pertussis herd immunity. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? The pertussis vaccine has been around since NINETEEN FOURTEEN YOU GUYS. And the one we get today? HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH, which was a VERY LONG TIME AGO. Scientists have studied it. IT IS SAFE . What's not safe? FREAKING WHOOPING COUGH.
People keep asking me if I feel better, and I think that I do, that I have felt a tiny bit better every day since Thanksgiving. A few days ago I stopped taking over the counter pain meds to just function because my body no longer ached all the time. For the past 3 days, I have only eaten, like, 2 or 3 cough drops a day. I am no longer slathered in Vics. But! I do not feel ALL better, and I was sick for so long, just going about my life, spreading my terrible disease, that I don't really remember what all better feels like.
Because I didn't have a fever, it was easy to say oh well it's just a cough. I got used to giving myself a pep talk before I did simple things like PUT ON PANTS (because my hips were super achy so lifting one leg up actually HURT ME) that I gradually normalized how awful I felt physically and just started hating my life circumstances more broadly.
I have been SO DEPRESSED about everything-- my life path, my career trajectory, the amount of people who take up space and make messes in my house, aging, solo-parenting for half the week while also working, my red face, my fatter-than-normal middle-aged stomach-- all of the things. I also did really half-assed workouts (BECAUSE I HAD PNEUMONIA FFS) and was feeling down about that. All of this is to say, I was SO RELIEVED to discover I was ACTUALLY SICK, and I feel much better about my life, generally.
What really disturbs me though is how easy it was to ignore or downplay how terrible I felt. I chalked a lot of my malaise-- even chest pains from FREAKING PNEUMONIA-- up to mental health concerns and then even dismissed THOSE. I think it's because I am generally always pretty sure something terrible is wrong with me, so part of me is always telling myself to calm down. I also think Ben was stressed about some schedule changes he is making to accommodate both my weird end-of-semester schedule and some stuff on his work calendar, so he really did not want me to be sick and also tends to talk me off the hypochondria ledge quite a bit as part of his job as My Person.
The whole thing reminds me of a terribly depressing book I read about a woman who has a heart attack and her family DOES NOT EVEN NOTICE. (She also doesn't notice and the whole thing feels TOO REAL).
Anyway-- except for the extremely red nose and puffy face, I really am almost all better. Thanks for listening to me complain. Onward and upward, friends.
Some things I am loving right now:
PAJAMA DAY MINNIE
Also!! CHRISTMAS BEDS! (And yeah-- if I had the energy to change 7 beds in one day, I must be feeling better!!)
Oh gosh, Sarah. I am happy to hear your are feeling better but what an ordeal! I can see how being sick can make people feel down about other parts of life. For me that's being sick in conjunction with parenting, drop off and pick up, T traveling for work, not being able to teach without succumbing to a coughing fit in every class, and being more sensitive to messes.
ReplyDeleteI bought the Christmas truck sheets at Macy's at your recommendation. Last year. I think...
OMG Sarah, I read that book a few years ago and completely ranted to my friends about it. My friend Hannah said "WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT BOOK AND WHY IS IT HERE?" Because we were all so angry about this book. The woman has a heart attack and then her husband is such a goddamned jackass and she still has to make lunches WHAT EVEN THE FUCK IS THAT. Woo. I can't remember the last time I read something that gave me such immediate rage, even thinking about it I feel like I'm going to have a complete goddamn stroke.
ReplyDeleteBreathe. Breathe.
What I was going to say before I went off on the book tangent is you poor thing, that is just awful. There is nothing so bad as feeling like complete and utter shit and then still trying to function like normal. Or semi-normal. Pertussis is no joke. Like, thank goodness you are starting to feel better because it's no joke and it's too bad we don't have something to prevent such a dangerous illness...oh wait. Wait.
Whew, that did NOT calm me down, I am so fired up on your behalf right now.
Anyway, I am glad you're feeling better and you will probably not be surprised to know that I am a total Neti pot gal, and if I go from having a parasite eat through my brain, well, at least I had that satisfying sinus cleanse. (god I hope I don't go that way).
CHRISTMAS SHEETS! We just have regular sheets, whomp.
Indeed, eff the antivaxxers. My husband goes fifty-fifty either under-coddling over over-coddling me. Once I said the thermometer battery was dead and he said no it's not, and if you had a fever you'd feel way worse. It WAS dead and I DID have a fever, SO THERE.
ReplyDeleteChristmas bedding, For seven people. EVER, never mind when you're sick. I recently put on our flannel sheets, which do have snowflakes on them, and I love going to bed even more now.
I hope you are all all better soon.
Ugh don’t get me started on the anti-vaxxers and now we will have one heading up HHS SO THAT IS GREAT. YES ALL CAPS. Nothing to see here, folks. We’ll just be welcoming back diseases that were eradicated years ago thanks to the advances in medicine… until now when anti-vaxxers will feel seen and justified.
ReplyDeleteI would not wash everyone’s bedding when I am in full health so I don’t know how you do it when you are sick! I hope you are back to full health soon. This is a particularly bad time to feel ill!
Sweet mother, I can't imagine how terrible this was for you to feel so sick and morph that feeling into a 'normal' feeling. How horrible. Also, I could never do the neti pot thing. I get squeamish just thinking about it or fear I would drown myself somehow, or a combination of the two. It sounds like you are making progress, and thank goodness. The sheets. I make my people strip their own beds and I still don't change sheets as often as you do. I can't figure out where I'd store Christmas themed sheets. (I think I said that same thing last year, but it's a real puzzlement for me). Those pretzel candies look delish.
ReplyDeleteComplain all you want! It is 100% justified. And I've used a neti pot- it does feel really weird and I can't get myself to use it on a regular basis (supposedly if you do that, you cut down on the chance of getting sick again??? I don't know.) Anyway- you reminded me that I have Christmas sheets, thanks to you! I bought the Fa la la ones after seeing them on your blog last year. Time to get them on the beds!!! I hope you feel MUCH better soon.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your family want completely up to date on the DTaP vaccine. And this is very common with adults in America. With the amount of foreign travel coming along American adults, it isn't going to ever be eradicated. It isn't just anti-vaccine people. It is travel to areas were vaccination isn't as common, adults not being boosted, etc.
ReplyDeleteWe ARE all up to date, actually. Ben and I got vaxed right before Minnie was born, and all 5 kids are up-to-date.
DeleteI'm glad to hear you are feeling better-ish! I like to Neti-pot in the shower - much easier to tilt my head and I don't have to worry about making a mess. I also wonder if the short days are contributing to your malaise - I know it's something I struggle with every winter.
ReplyDeleteWe got an email from our Dean of Students that the EC health department is tracking a norovirus on campus and now my goal is to survive these last few weeks without catching it. I've washed my hands 47 times today and am really wishing I could live like "The Boy In The Plastic Bubble."
If it makes you feel any better, I was pregnant for 6 months before I realized it because it was easy to chalk it up to being tired or just feeling stressed. When life feels overwhelming it's really easy to assume that physical discomfort is a manifestation of your mental state. Anyways I'm glad you're feeling better and I agree 100% that neti pots are too weird.
ReplyDeleteOoohhh! This is a reminder for me to do the pretzel thing for our cookie exchange next week. We do pretzel - Rolo - walnut on ours. So easy and people love them.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have pertussis. I wondered whether you did when you first posted about coughing so hard but didn't comment. I caught it in early October, and it really sucks. I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel (but don't use me as a comparison because I'm on immunosuppressants, and they slow recovery). I got treated very early (before we knew what it was) because I was sick enough to have to hold the meds I take for an autoimmune disease. I'm so upset about waning herd immunity too because I'll catch everything. I'm fully vaccinated but my meds suppress it all. If things really go to sh*t in terms of diseases we haven't had to think about because of the wonder that is vaccines, I'm planning on finding the most obnoxious/possibly offensive N95s that I can to wear in public cesspools/places.
ReplyDelete