The urgent care doc-- and his nurse-- both urged me to use a neti pot twice a day to rinse my sinuses. Today was the first time I tried it because my sinuses have been completely and totally clogged for the past 6 days and also neti pots freak me out. I used it, though, because I HAVE BEEN A FULL TIME MOUTH BREATHER.
One nostril worked great, but the other one DID NOT DRAIN and there is a tiny teapot of water lodged in my sinuses. My face is beyond puffy, and it is very much freaking me out and validating all my neti pot feels.
BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. I CAN BREATH WITH MY MOUTH CLOSED. It feels miraculous. (Also I am sure a parasite is eating my brain right now even though I used distilled water).
I am so angry at anti-vaxxers and our lost pertussis herd immunity. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? The pertussis vaccine has been around since NINETEEN FOURTEEN YOU GUYS. And the one we get today? HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH, which was a VERY LONG TIME AGO. Scientists have studied it. IT IS SAFE . What's not safe? FREAKING WHOOPING COUGH.
People keep asking me if I feel better, and I think that I do, that I have felt a tiny bit better every day since Thanksgiving. A few days ago I stopped taking over the counter pain meds to just function because my body no longer ached all the time. For the past 3 days, I have only eaten, like, 2 or 3 cough drops a day. I am no longer slathered in Vics. But! I do not feel ALL better, and I was sick for so long, just going about my life, spreading my terrible disease, that I don't really remember what all better feels like.
Because I didn't have a fever, it was easy to say oh well it's just a cough. I got used to giving myself a pep talk before I did simple things like PUT ON PANTS (because my hips were super achy so lifting one leg up actually HURT ME) that I gradually normalized how awful I felt physically and just started hating my life circumstances more broadly.
I have been SO DEPRESSED about everything-- my life path, my career trajectory, the amount of people who take up space and make messes in my house, aging, solo-parenting for half the week while also working, my red face, my fatter-than-normal middle-aged stomach-- all of the things. I also did really half-assed workouts (BECAUSE I HAD PNEUMONIA FFS) and was feeling down about that. All of this is to say, I was SO RELIEVED to discover I was ACTUALLY SICK, and I feel much better about my life, generally.
What really disturbs me though is how easy it was to ignore or downplay how terrible I felt. I chalked a lot of my malaise-- even chest pains from FREAKING PNEUMONIA-- up to mental health concerns and then even dismissed THOSE. I think it's because I am generally always pretty sure something terrible is wrong with me, so part of me is always telling myself to calm down. I also think Ben was stressed about some schedule changes he is making to accommodate both my weird end-of-semester schedule and some stuff on his work calendar, so he really did not want me to be sick and also tends to talk me off the hypochondria ledge quite a bit as part of his job as My Person.
The whole thing reminds me of a terribly depressing book I read about a woman who has a heart attack and her family DOES NOT EVEN NOTICE. (She also doesn't notice and the whole thing feels TOO REAL).
Anyway-- except for the extremely red nose and puffy face, I really am almost all better. Thanks for listening to me complain. Onward and upward, friends.
Some things I am loving right now:
PAJAMA DAY MINNIE
Also!! CHRISTMAS BEDS! (And yeah-- if I had the energy to change 7 beds in one day, I must be feeling better!!)
Oh gosh, Sarah. I am happy to hear your are feeling better but what an ordeal! I can see how being sick can make people feel down about other parts of life. For me that's being sick in conjunction with parenting, drop off and pick up, T traveling for work, not being able to teach without succumbing to a coughing fit in every class, and being more sensitive to messes.
ReplyDeleteI bought the Christmas truck sheets at Macy's at your recommendation. Last year. I think...
OMG Sarah, I read that book a few years ago and completely ranted to my friends about it. My friend Hannah said "WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT BOOK AND WHY IS IT HERE?" Because we were all so angry about this book. The woman has a heart attack and then her husband is such a goddamned jackass and she still has to make lunches WHAT EVEN THE FUCK IS THAT. Woo. I can't remember the last time I read something that gave me such immediate rage, even thinking about it I feel like I'm going to have a complete goddamn stroke.
ReplyDeleteBreathe. Breathe.
What I was going to say before I went off on the book tangent is you poor thing, that is just awful. There is nothing so bad as feeling like complete and utter shit and then still trying to function like normal. Or semi-normal. Pertussis is no joke. Like, thank goodness you are starting to feel better because it's no joke and it's too bad we don't have something to prevent such a dangerous illness...oh wait. Wait.
Whew, that did NOT calm me down, I am so fired up on your behalf right now.
Anyway, I am glad you're feeling better and you will probably not be surprised to know that I am a total Neti pot gal, and if I go from having a parasite eat through my brain, well, at least I had that satisfying sinus cleanse. (god I hope I don't go that way).
CHRISTMAS SHEETS! We just have regular sheets, whomp.
Indeed, eff the antivaxxers. My husband goes fifty-fifty either under-coddling over over-coddling me. Once I said the thermometer battery was dead and he said no it's not, and if you had a fever you'd feel way worse. It WAS dead and I DID have a fever, SO THERE.
ReplyDeleteChristmas bedding, For seven people. EVER, never mind when you're sick. I recently put on our flannel sheets, which do have snowflakes on them, and I love going to bed even more now.
I hope you are all all better soon.