Etc etc etc gets expensive, you guys

HELLO from what will be— for a little while —a regular feature of this blog, which is a Monday post where I whine about money. YOU ARE WELCOME.

My goal is to get a better handle on what I am actually spending in 3 tricky categories: groceries, Target/household stuff, and weekly impulse buys. I kicked this endeavor off last week with a no-spend week, and I am continuing my frugality kick this week (Owala released a special edition glow-in-the-dark water bottle, and I didn’t even click on it, you guys). ** 

New this week: Ben is joining in the fun and tracking his expenses, too. (Yes, we share our bank accounts, but we are both stupid bad about checking in on them EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE AN APP).

Groceries: I got a ton of comments on my previous budget post about how groceries are not part of a no-spend week. I agree because, I mean, we gotta eat. BUT ALSO-- this is a HUGE and really amorphous spending category, and it seems to be the biggest thing between us and tidy budget boxes on a spreadsheet. We are very all-or-nothing people when it comes to spending money. We either keep neat track of everything OR we just spend without even blinking an eye. And when categories get messy, we just start spending and stop caring. 

Household: MOST household stuff comes from Costco-- and we still have it, so I haven't been lately--OR from Amazon subscribe and save, which I never count in weekly spending because it's a subscription.** So, paper towels, toilet paper, ziploc bags face wash, deodorant, body lotion, Cereve, exfoliating foot balm, etc etc etc JUST SHOW UP. But then! There are things I buy at Target every week like household cleaners and seasonal Mrs. Meyers soaps (at least one thing runs out every week-- last week was Magic Erasers; this week I am out of LimeAway for the showers and Pledge, etc), some specialty snacks that are cheaper in bulk there and we don't eat fast enough for Costco sizes (technically grocery? This is why I think TARGET is its own line), random grooming products that I see are low when I clean bathrooms, laundry stuff because Costco doesn't have our faves. Just like groceries, I do a large weekly order and then pop in for more as needed-- as you can imagine, this gets SUPER EXPENSIVE especially when I throw in random makeup items or clothes for the girls, etc etc etc. Tracking the Target/house category over time should also help me figure out how much is actually going out the door there, too.

(The etc etc etcs in the above paragraph are THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A MONTH, I am pretty sure, and that's precisely what I am trying to get a better handle on).

Random surprises: Last Monday, we spent $130 on dishwasher repair (**shakes fist at universe**), and it is good, for once, to actually keep track of these things (welcome to adulthood; you're ALMOST FIFTY) (also the dishwasher is suddenly in WORSE SHAPE than before it was fixed, so we will probably be spending more soon **shakes both fists at universe like the guy in Caps for Sale**). We know that things like Coop's bday party, an appliance breaking, an extracurricular expense, etc, (there is that pesky ETC AGAIN) crop up every single month, so tracking those is also helpful when we are thinking about projected spending. I paid for our holiday card photo shoot last week, randomly— stuff like that!

Those of you who are used to paying attention to your money will be like DUH, LADY, but neither one of us is the person you would choose in your marriage -- or in Monopoly-- to be in charge of the bank. So TEAM WORK, amiright?

Impulse buys: I mean. Listen. This is the ONE PLACE we have been able to stop spending. Does it help? WHO KNOWS. Just this past week, I did not buy a new Owala color drop, the Clinique gift with purchase at Macy’s, Lulu studio pants for Dorothy when another mom told me they’ll hem them at the store, these super cute silver Mary Jane’s from Target, or coffee at the dorm Starbucks when I was observing classes. SO MAYBE? But! Not buying is not the same as SAVING.

**Subscriptions: Ok. I have a shampoo and conditioner subscription that comes every 4-8 weeks depending on when I need it, a moisturizer subscription that comes every 10 weeks, Book of the Month that is billed monthly (but I have the option of paying yearly, and this is maybe what I should do for bookkeeping simplicity), and Audible that’s billed monthly. Plus! We get a monthly Amazon subscribe and save order that always has paper towels and toilet paper and also has a rotating cast of other random stuff from this one kind of tea I like some months to quarterly bulk toothpaste. How would you account for these? Just record them when they hit the bank account? Figure that you are spending x amount of money per week for them? Give them their own category? Lump them in with other monthly stuff like streaming platform subscriptions and not weekly spending? Ben and I argued about this for awhile and didn’t reach a conclusion that makes sense to both of us. I think he thinks most of the stuff is stupid and I should just cancel it, but I am not going to do that and think the subscriptions are better because they save time and a little money and/or are things I really use (the books). Neither of us is satisfied with how they “count” on a spreadsheet. How do you account for things like this? (I could buy hers shampoo and conditioner at Target, for example, but it is $10 cheaper to just have it show up at my door. If I bought it at Target, I would track it as a POS purchase, so I guess account for the delivery the same way?)

Apropos of nothing, some random pics.

Dollhouse turned bookshelf in Dorothy’s room: (she is on the cusp of a room reno, but we are waiting for Minnie to outgrow her toddler bed)

Minnie all of the sudden started playing with the Christmas guys.

FUN BUNS

We made a PERFECT veggie lasagna— it was so good, and you can swap out the veggies for whatever you have (I happened to have the ones in the recipe, but I think mushrooms would be great in a future iteration. I also would probably do thin zucchini circles if I were doing it again— same with carrots)

** I am sort of LOLing at “frugality kick” because we came in $450 OVER our weekly budget, and we spent MORE THAN $500 on groceries (big Sunday shop; local store for coffee, ice cream, etc; Costco for pizza and salad, and another $100 on odds and ends from Metro Market, our Kroger-branded go-to store). Also! In terms of rules of a "no spend" we also did not buy ANYTHING this week (family pics, I guess?). Figuring out the burn cost of our life is... kind of a bummer.

5 on a Friday: Things I Am Looking Forward To (39/52)

 1. Harry is coming to visit in 2 weeks!! It has been hard to not see him for so long, but the Eau Claire provost urged parents to have their kids wait 6 weeks before they came home. He said research shows the first 6 weeks have lots of high highs and low lows for freshmen as an aggregate and if kids can stay at school even when they feel a little homesick, they will find local support networks that can help them with ups and downs for the next 4 years. I remember my own campus’s center for the first year experience tell us something really similar when they presented to TAs in my course years ago, so we scheduled his first trip home accordingly. (ALSO HE IS HAVING THE BEST TIME AND IS NOT EVEN A LITTLE HOMESICK yet which is great but also CAN YOU JUST MISS US PLEASE). He made an IG story counting down to his visit, and I was so excited… until I realized he is counting down to seeing his gf. Cool cool. (The provost encouraged families to visit campus in the first 6 weeks, but Harry is a busy guy and will start traveling for speech soon, so we are visiting the weekend after he comes home for parent’s weekend. Or, as we call it, parents plus 4 siblings weekend). I also scheduled our holiday card pictures for the weekend he is home, so he is already a little pissy. I AM THE BEST.

2. Dance competitions and dive meets are looming. It is so fun to see the fruits of Dorothy and Cooper’s labor. Dorothy has some darling routines this year, but my very favorite is a lyrical small group dance with emo faces and remastered Disney music and flowing costumes with skin-colored illusion netting. VERY STEREOTYPICAL JUNIOR JAZZ, and I love it. THERE WILL BE BEIGE TIGHTS.

3. Parents’ Weekend is almost upon us, and I finally have a place to wear my Eau Claire mom sweatshirt. I am really excited to visit Harry in his college habitat and see how he has been living on his own for a couple of months. Where does he feed? What are his routines? Does he have grooming habits? (Yes, I am looking for a zoo-like experience. I hope there are signs with fun facts about his days).

4. HALLOWEEN! We have an awesome trick-or-treat neighborhood, and Dorothy has already invited new middle school friends over to ToT with her. I am excited for adorable kids in cute costumes and candy galore. In fact, I have already put out all my decorations before it is even October! I figured that as long as the dishwasher is broken (I cannot even talk about it— it’s awful to wash dishes, and we have a great repair guy who has already come out once and has already ordered the part he needs- GE Profile dishwashers are TERRIBLE— this is the third time it has broken in 4 years), I should get out my adorable hand-wash-only Halloween mugs and then I found my box of other stuff, and Minnie got on board. And, well. I mean. YOU CAN TELL A PRESCHOOLER DID THE HEAVY LIFTING is all I am saying.

There’s more in other (low) places,  but I stopped taking pics. I usually put out one or two things, but her enthusiasm was so cute— she used the whole tub of stuff.

5. Louise Penney’s 19th Inspector Gamache book, Grey Wolf, comes out on October 29!!!!!!! I prefer to listen to the Gamache books, and I have OF COURSE already bought this on Audible!! So cozy and delightful. In the meantime, Patricia Crowell has a new Scarpetta mystery coming out on 10/8, and I can’t wait to listen to that one, too.

This Is What Democracy Looks Like

 

The title of this post is from my very favorite protest march rallying cry, when organizers with bullhorns chant THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE to the throngs of people assembled. Chokes me up every time.

On Saturday, democracy looked a lot like me and Jack sweatily knocking on doors to ask our neighbors to vote for the Harris/Walz ticket and Senator Tammy Baldwin. It was a really fun canvass because we had strong Democrats on our list along with the usual roster of friendly— but not always faithful— voters. 

That’s something to note if you have never canvassed before: you won’t be walking into any hostile situations— you are only knocking on your own’s party’s doors. Usually the people you are talking to haven’t voted in a while or maybe don’t always vote in midterms. Having strong Dems also on the list was a treat —so many excited voters instead of just polite but nonplussed people.

 Door knocking is more about getting out the vote, typically, than about changing hearts and minds. You just talk, drop some campaign literature, and leave. Remind people to make a plan to vote as you walk down their front path. Then you enter a few details into your canvassing app and knock on the next door. It’s a pleasant way to pass a lovely couple of hours.

I prefer a Saturday morning shift because a good chunk of your list will probably be at the grocery store or at a soccer game, and you can just leave a pamphlet under their welcome mat and move on. I like to be able to balance a few houses of conversations with a few houses of dropping and running, you know?

I had one super awkward encounter with a younger many who said he was not voting because the system is too corrupt and he wants to watch it burn. I was like Oh, I see. Do you think you’re persuadable on any issue? And he said no. Just flatly. NO. I said I like to talk to people because I am really committed to voting for a candidate who has a clear plan to make the country better, and he said MAYBE I WILL WRITE IN BERNIE.

Oh! And! I knocked on a door answered by a guy who looked familiar. I said I was with our neighborhood action group and asked him if he had a plan to vote, and he said in a really stilted manner, “I am looking forward to participating in the process.” I walked down his front path thinking those were some weird vibes, and then I clocked the state rep sign in his yard and realized HE WAS THE GUY ON THE SIGN. For a minute I felt bad for not recognizing him, but who recognizes their state rep on the street?

Honestly, I would not recognize my US Senator Tammy Baldwin if I bumped into her on the street or at the grocery store. That’s what’s so cool about volunteering during election season— you realize that politicians are just regular people who live in your communities and wear slacks with big white sneakers.

But of course I knew who she was when I met her at the action group’s headquarters, and she kicked off our canvass. SO COOL!

“No Spend” results

 Ok, so, listen. I am going to share what I actually spent on my “no spend” week,  and I am pretty sure you are going to think it sounds pretty spendy. BUT I SWEAR IT WAS NOT AT ALL. It is pricey to have five freaking kids, you know?

This does not include any bills that we auto pay or any subscriptions (I get my shampoo and conditioner and my night cream and all of our random Amazon things via subscription, so lots of time, stuff just appears on my door at the exact right moment and I don’t even notice it. LOL).

 It also does not include anything that Ben spent, and he also got gas twice, ate dinner out, ran to Hyvee for apples and other things, bought groceries for Friday and Saturday night at Whole Foods (also more apples— we are in an apple era), did a random Target run, bought wine and coffee, and paid for Coop’s bday party (lunch for 10, plus golf for 10).

Sunday: $305

Target: $124 (random cleaning stuff, some prepackaged snacks and Naked Juice smoothies for after school/ pre-sports, random grooming products from all the bathrooms— I add what’s running low to my online cart when I am cleaning)

Metro Market: $178 (groceries— only cheap because I spent a million dollars at Trader Joe’s on Saturday before I started “not spending.”)

Google $3: I ran out of storage and had to up my plan real fast

Monday: NOTHING!!

Tuesday: $70

Whole Foods: $30 (none of this was essential except for a $7 gallon of milk. I was just killing time until the Amazon return station opened but then the person was late and I ended up using the self-serve kiosk which I could have done at the outset and not bought anything)

Culver’s: $21 (we all got kiddie meals— Culver’s broccoli is better than their fries)

Target: $9 (Naked Juice and face masks. LOL)

Car wash: $10 (forgot I was not spending)

Wednesday: $15

Copay at the doctor’s office: $15

Thursday: $70

Mobil: $4 (gum)

Greenbush: $37 (donuts for a work meeting)

Target: $29 (assorted bullshit and also Cheez-It’s for Minnie)

Friday: NOTHING!!!!!

I did have a PSL, but I used points!

Saturday: $71

Mobil: $51 (gas)

Amazon: $20 (ballet shoes for a certain someone who most definitely lost hers)

Grand total: $537 (but this includes groceries!!)

I want to beat this number for the week ahead— and by not getting my car washed, trolling the aisles at Whole Foods, and buying donuts, I am pretty sure I can… Ben is also tracking what he spends this week, too, since I am pretty sure he out-spent me last week, and I know he has about $150 worth of pressed shirts and dry cleaned suits to pick up. ON THE OTHER HAND, I think groceries will cost more this week. But! If I can avoid the midweek shops, then maybe not?** 

I think I need more immediate rewards. Like, we need to do something I can see with extra money each week— stuff it in an envelope under the mattress maybe? (KIDDING). Also extra money LOL— Harry’s tuition is due this month, and dance just sent their September bill. THERE IS NO EXTRA MONEY, silly.

Minnie now wears last year’s Costco holiday finery any old day— love that for her.

**Between the food portions of my Target runs, the wine and coffee store, Hyvee, and Whole Foods, I am pretty sure groceries clocked in around the $600 mark…I think it is better to spend more on the big weekly shop because every time I go out for “one quick thing” it becomes also lots of random stuff, too. BUT ALSO, groceries just sort of cost what they cost, and I don’t expect to really save in this category.

5 on a Friday: COMPLETELY RANDOM (38/52)

1. FALL ROUTINES

As a total dork, I love fall routines even more than spectacular upsets and pumpkin muffins and apple orchards. There is something so comforting about kids sitting down to do their homework after a feral summer, you know? (As you can tell by her super sincere smile, this is also Dorothy’s favorite fall thing LOL)

The evening pick ups are… maybe as hectic as I feared. BUT. Summer weather is sticking around, and it is fun to play outside while we wait for kids. I am always a little worried about dark nights and winter driving, but I am keeping my shit as together as I can.

2. LAST PRESCHOOL WELCOME BACK NIGHT

Minnie’s preschool does a welcome back night with a children’s performer and a snow cone truck, and last year we didn’t tell Minnie about it, and her wonderful teacher also did not mention it. This year, I planned more of the same, but Minnie’s new wonderful teacher did mention it, and Minnie was bursting to tell me “THE EXCITING NEWS” at pick up, so we… made it work. Thankfully Jack could  drive Dorothy to dance from school and pick her up, and the two of them had… something… for dinner at home while Minnie and I went straight to her school after dive drop off, and she enjoyed a picnic. PHEW!

Just like that, I am nostalgic for a thing I didn’t even want to attend.

3. SNACK DRAMZ

In sad news, we only had Annie’s cheddar bunnies, Annie’s white cheddar bunnies, and goldfish crackers— NO CHEEZ-ITS. Minnie stayed under the kitchen mat lamenting for quite awhile. At one point she was like WITHOUT CHEEZ ITS MY DREAM WON’T COME TRUE. I said oh, what’s your dream, and she replied in a very aggrieved tone, WELL IT’S ABOUT CHEEZ ITS,

(Ben picked her up from school the next day with a snack bowl of freshly procured Cheez It’s at the ready. She has happily resumed playing super hero guys)

4. Some random snaps from a random week

(We keep almost but not quite getting our fall groove on. Like, last week, dance hadn’t started yet. This week, I had a meeting all day on Thursday and Friday, so Ben had to shift his WFH days, and our driving duties were not standard, etc)

Summer weather means parks every day, and we are loving it.

This is really al you need to know about us:

We were out of chocolate covered pretzels, so Cooper took matters into his own hands.

I love coming across evidence of Minnie being Minnie:

Bem living that 2020 Zoom fashion life

5. Mood:

 

Anxiety is WILD

 Now that my anxiety flare is largely behind me (TWO NIGHTS OF NOT SLEEPING, much assuming I was suffering from something new and fatal, lots of just being an asshole to everyone around me), can I just say ANXIETY IS WILD.

 I adore Stephany’s post about panic attacks because her description is SO GOOD. Like, you know that your feelings and thoughts are not accurate, but you absolutely cannot stop them. EVEN KNOWING that it is a garbage thought train coming straight for you,YOU CANNOT HELP BUT JUMP ON. Or jump in front of it maybe is more accurate?

I am on a not fucking around antibiotic, and it gradually gave me really awful nausea and headaches and a bit of dizziness. But! The onset of all of these things was gradual, especially since I was expecting an upset stomach because that’s usually how antibiotics work for me. Anyway, the other day, my nausea and headaches really ramped up and I honest to god immediately diagnosed myself with a brain tumor and started, like, imagining how I would tell the kids and get through my diagnostic MRI with my claustrophobia. WHAT THE FUCK, BRAIN?

And the truly shitty thing is that I BELIEVED THIS REALITY.

I was like OMG I feel queasy when I am reading with my glasses on. The tumor must be pushing on my optic nerve and my vision is getting worse! OMG I feel nauseous in the morning. THIS IS CLEARLY BRAIN CANCER. OMG my head hurts so bad I have to take Tylenol for literally the third time in 3 years (I almost never take pills of any kind) THIS MUST BE THE END.

Anyway, like a switch being flipped, I feel better (anxiety-wise— I just took my last abx dose today, so still feel a little queasy), and it’s SO WEIRD. Like, clearly, anxiety is a chemical thing not just a mind-over-matter situation.

Last week, when I was feeling really jittery and anxious, I was so worried that my acupuncturist left the room to call 9-1-1 because my pulse was so fast (PULSES UNREMARKABLE. SHE WAS GETTING A POST-IT TO PUT ON MY SHIRT TO REMEMBER TO TAKE THE NEEDLE OUT OF MY CHEST). And then at the end, after she took the needles out, she pressed on my wrists, and I was like OMG ARE MY PULSES OK (acupuncture says pulses, not pulse **shrug**), and she was like IDK, I am just wiping a little blood. But I was already PANICKING in both of these situations. What the hell? Also, you guys, speaking of panic: Can you imagine leaving the clinic and going on your merry little way and then, like, happening to glance down at yourself only to see a NEEDLE STICKING OUT OF YOUR CHEST?! Thank goodness she left for a post-it.

ANYWAY. I talked to my doctor today and got some meds that I can take when I feel too freaked out. And also Xanax for the big stuff. And! I am starting talk therapy, too. NOT THE ESTROGEN BATH I WAS HOPING FOR, but good, I think.

Other things:

Dance szn:

Her goal is to be able to do with weird leg lift all the time

Minnie and I have been LOVING the park. All of the parks.

And! Even though she doesn’t start dance until next month, her tap shoes came in, and we picked them up while Dorothy had class and OMG SO CUTE

NO SPEND WEEEEEEEK

 I don’t know about you all, but for us, the beginning of the school year is SO EXPENSIVE. Every time I turn around, someone needs clothes or shoes or shoes for a specific activity or that one more supply on the list, etc etc etc. SO. This week! We are not buying ANYTHING. Well, erm, anything EXCEPT:

• Gas
• Dinner out for Ben on Tuesday
• Dinner out for me and the girls on Tuesday
• Pizza of some kind for pizza Friday
• Grocery needs that might arise (this one is a slippery slope, though, because I can spend A TON on specialty groceries and “need” is subjective)

CAN WE DO IT? Yes, I am sure we can. Will we like it? Probably not.

And you might be thinking DINNER OUT, is that not totally counter to the idea of a no spend week? I mean, yes. And I guess I could pack us a picnic to eat between dive drop off and Dorothy's one and only 45 minute dance team class of the night, but I think not dealing with all of that is money well spent. Last week, even though dance hadn’t started yet, she had a photo session in that same window of time and we ate Mod Pizza at the dance studio, and it was so easy and low stress. And I need more easy, low stress things in my life.

5 on a Friday: Cheap Thrills (37/52)

 Here are 5 things under $40 that I love lately.

1. Clinique green sunscreen and primer: At $31, this stuff is saving my face from whatever weird red stuff is going on with it, and I would pay MUCH MORE. 

2. Owala travel coffee mug: No yucky metal taste (like the Yeti— I hate how Yetis make my coffee taste) and an excellent lid that’s super easy to drink from. LOVE IT. (Also it is SO CUTE).

3. Target Brightroom storage cart: Harry got one for his dorm room, and when Jack and Coop started sharing the downstairs bathroom (Coop moved from the one Dorothy and Minnie share to downstairs so we have 2 people per bathroom), I got one for him and Jack to store their grooming products in, and they stash it in the storage room across the hall and just roll it into the bathroom to use. Probably we should just replace the mirror in there with a medicine cabinet, but until then… (I can’t handle things left out on counters in a bathroom or bathroom shelves either— things get dusty and then the dust gets sticky and YUCK. ONLY hand soap on bathroom counters for me thanks.)

4. SMALL water bottles. I have been lugging around 40 ounces of water for years now, but Dorothy and I recently SIZED DOWN in water bottles, and I really like a smaller, lighter option, too. (Minnie uses the 20 oz Stanley and also an Owala kids— she loves them both).

5. A new leo to kick off the dance season! Of all the choices at her studio’s cute little shop, Minnie settled on… plain white.

Marigolds!

 I took the most beautiful walk at work the other day. I was on campus for HOURS and had a bunch of solitary tasks to complete. I set timers to do pomodoros, but I needed to get out of my office for awhile, and it was hard to pass up 78 and sunny.

It was lovely especially because I have been feeling very anxious lately for no reason. Like, al of the sudden out of nowhere, my stomach feels like I am on a roller coaster. I think I have been too long without acupuncture and massage. I kept rescheduling appointments as I ran out of time to juggle everything with limited Minnie care after her camp ended. So! Last week I had an awesome massage (trigger points— a style I do not usually like a ton because I am looking for more relaxation BUT this one was incredible, and I could feel the tension leaving my muscles. I expected my neck and shoulders and right hip to feel tense and need release, but even my ARMS were tense, apparently because feeling the muscles let go was wonderful), and this week I see my acupuncturist. And I have appointments scheduled through the end of the year. THAT I WILL KEEP, DAMNIT.

This morning, I decided to reframe the anxiety as EXTRA ENERGY, and so far, my brain is liking that frame, and I got in an extra 1/4 mile in my usual time on the elliptical, even though I had a dream that I was having a heart attack and woke up with a pounding heart and another large chunk of my brain pretty sure that’s happening in real life and why I feel anxious. ANXIETY. YOU ARE THE WORST.

We went to the Pekin Marigold Festival on Saturday, and it was an absolutely delight. We hung out with my best friend since FIRST GRADE and one of her delightful daughters and friend. 10/10 would recommend and will be back next year!

Ice cream at our favorite place:

Filthy carnival rides:

MISS MARIGOLD!!!! (I was Miss Marigold in 1996, and it was the highlight of my life up that point— I always wanted to be the girl in the crown and the sash at the Fest and parade, and I WAS, so I was over the moon when Minnie wanted to meet the current Miss M)

Downtown Pekin has this lovely marigold mural as part of its Juneteenth memorial, and it was the closest I got to taking a picture of the actual parade.

Ice cream hilarity (Minnie had so much fun sitting with the big girls)

Stunting

Oh, Dorothy

Hijinks

If there is one thing I love more than a dirty carnival midway

It is a dirty carnival midway that has limited no smoking areas

Listen, I took a lot of pictures at the ice cream place, OK???

Us again

More stunting

Little marigolds (and Everett Dirksen, Pekin’s favorite senator).